The Ultimate Favor
by materialgirl-loz
Summary: I had decided I was done being selfish. My dreams were over,may as well give them theirs,but how could I give her what I wanted with her-to her and another man? Is Bella and Emmett's favor to much to ask of Edward,how will he cope with his decision?OOC/AH
1. Prologue

I felt myself being pushed back into my seat, my head hitting the restraint. Subconsciously I had allowed my foot to hit the gas.

I chanced a look outside the window and watched the greenery of the god forsaken town whiz past me at 100mph. I eased off on the pedal and tapped the brakes lightly, hoping this would calm and slow down my thoughts at the same time

My head was still spinning. My throat was still dry. My stomach felt like it was still vacating everything I had consumed at dinner. The dinner which would unquestionably change the life's of everyone present.

Emmett was asking too much this time. It was difficult enough to be his best man, but this...this was a completely different kettle of fish.

The wedding had signified the death of my dreams but this just put the nail in the coffin.

I knew Emmett wouldn't ask unless he felt it absolutely necessary and important to him, but that fact could never ever make this any easier for me. I mean he had essentially came to me admitting that the one thing we men were best equipped for, he was incapable of doing. Clearly this meant he had taken a dent to his confidence and pride. A significant chunk of it in fact; judging from his disheveled, tired appearance that much was evident. I could only imagine this had been the source of numerous arguments.

Her pleading words were ringing through my ears over and over and over again. How could I deny this woman anything, yet how could i give her everything i wanted with her with another man.

_I know you don't like me very much Edward, but please, just think of how happy it would make Em. He needs this. You don't even have to think of me in this one. Please?_

In fact, I felt the exact opposite. If I didn't like her, this would have been so much easier. How could I give them the one thing they wanted...give her the one thing she wanted and let them go on to play "happy families" without me being a part of it?

I was too much of a pussy to admit to everything before, for the reasons why I had taunted and belittled her, I felt I owed something to her; just did it have to be this? I always thought I would be able to fulfill anything she asked me, but this wasn't just anything. And although I was happy they had come to me, I wish in some ways they hadn't. But if this problem was making her sad then I wanted to be the one that could make it go away. I could play over on Emmett's weaknesses. But I still wouldn't be seen as the hero in it all, Em would always be the hero in her life. My mind was in turmoil, how was I supposed to decide if I should give this to them or just deny the one thing that they needed to be a complete unit?

My half brother and best friends wife, or love of my life if you will, had come to me with the ultimate favor. They wanted a baby. They had come to me for help.

My decision would affect not just their lives, but mine too.

* * *

**A/N: **_So this is a bit different from Homecoming, don't worry I will still be working on that until I complete it, so think of this as a little bit of a side project. I have a plan all worked out in my wee notebook and I have made a start on the first chapter. This is just a little teaser till I get some feedback and decide whether or not to continue._

_I myself haven't read any stories to do with this sort of thing, I don't know if anyone else has, so I think I'm sort of going along with a semi-original plot line...who knows, let me know if this has been done before and I will try change it up to make it more original. I don't want this to be a sort of run-of the mill story, I like mine to have an edge to them! I am going to concentrate on Homecoming mainly, but will update this when I get a chance. _

_Let me know what you all think and whether I should continue. _

_Reviews are loved!_


	2. The Favor

**EPOV**

"Hey little brother." Emmett greeted me on the phone. "Fancy coming round for some of that fantastic grub my amazing wife cooks tonight?" After two years Emmett still called her an amazing wife. Whether he meant it or not did not matter, he still loved her with all of his big heart. Yup I was amazed to learn that my brother actually had a heart in the first place. He was never the type for settling down, henceforth the reason I so strongly relented when he even asked Bella out. I was so sure however that it would be a onetime thing, that Emmett was not her type so it would never work out. I had never been so wrong in my life. The two had hit it off almost immediately.

Then I figured that nothing would come of it. She would see him as a short fling and would move on when they went to college. Again I was wrong.

I had no-one but myself to blame for how the events unfolded. I had thrown every chance I could have ever had of being with Bella straight out of the water. Of course I didn't realise what it was exactly that I was feeling until it really was too late and I had gone too far.

It was impossible for me to hurt Emmett, and I knew how much it would in fact hurt him if he knew how crazily in love I was with his wife. I would also lose everything I had with him, Emmett was so trusting in people when it was due, I didn't want him to lose his trust in me. Then there was also the fact that he was extremely possessive over his wife but not in a crazy psycho sort of way.

When we were out celebrating the birth of our sister's daughter, Alice had dressed Bella up in a too short blue dress which showed off her perfectly creamy long legs and cute little ass whenever she bent over. She really had no idea how stunning she looked, but everyone else in the bar did, too many guys walked up to Bella hitting on her. She shrunk back into the company of our group and Emmett possessively put his arm around her. That was not enough of a hint to these morons though, and one guy took it too far when he squeezed her ass, I felt a rage build so far up in me I was choking on it when Emmett let go of Bella and sprung at the guy, both of them were knocked to the table to the side of us, the sound of smashing glasses and plates ricocheted off the walls. Needless to say we were all banned from entering that bar again.

I didn't need to say anymore, that was a stranger, I was his brother. I wasn't sure if I would receive better or worse treatment than that and with Emmett's brute strength I didn't want to find out.

"Edward?" Emmett's booming voice broke through over the phone.

"Huh...what?"

"Jeez, Ed, do you never listen to me? I was asking if you were coming round for Red Hot Chilli night?" I laughed as he still used the same name we used for the Thursday night that our mom would serve chilli. The Red Hot Chilli Peppers had been our favourite band at the time and it had somehow stuck. It was funny how traditions could be passed through families.

"Eh, sounds good. Are Alice and Jazz coming?" My sister and almost brother-in-law were always round at Bella and Emmett's house for their couples nights, so it would be a night of me feeling left out and very alone. They could all laugh and enjoy themselves eating Bella's wonderful food and drinking expensive wine, while I sat at home in front of the TV with my meal for one and a bottle of Bud.

"Em, no actually, it's just you." He replied with an edge of nervousness to his voice.

"Do I need to bring a date or something?" I asked, unsure how I would get through dinner being a third-wheel.

"It's maybe better that you don't." He answered warily.

"Eh, why?" I asked confused.

"Just...because, please come alone." He sounded suspicious, had he found out my feelings for Bella and planned to kill me? God I was going to get it worse than ass pincher.

"You need help getting rid of evidence for something Em?" I half joked with him.

Luckily he laughed back and I came back to my senses. "No, we just want to catch up, I felt like I've not seen you in ages! "

"Well, couldn't we just have some typical brother bonding time and go to a bar?" _Please don't make me endure a night of you and Bella cosying up and being loving while I sat there watching_ I prayed.

"Dammit Edward, do you still not like her? What the fuck man? I thought you'd gotten over all of that bullshit?" he spoke firmly over the phone, his voice raising just an octave, trying to keep his anger in check.

"No! That's not what I'm saying, all I meant was would you not rather have a proper guys night out? I'm worried that Bella's trying to turn you into a house husband or something. When was the last time you had a beer?" I asked him, proud at myself for the successful turnaround.

"Oh." He said meekly. "For your information I was out without Bella Wednesday two weeks ago." _Whipped._

"Haha, it's bad that you can pinpoint it accurately, that just means you had fun and would love to do it again and as soon as possible."

"Don't try your psycho mumbo jumbo on me Ediekins." He retorted and I snorted with laughter.

"Psycho mumbo jumbo? Please Emmett, tell me you don't still think that's what I do? I went to med school for a year! I didn't even do psychology, That's Jasper's line of profession!" I couldn't believe that Emmett still thought I was a shrink...where that had even come from I had no idea.

"Oh, sorry little brother. Guess I keep forgetting you went down the jingle route." He mocked my choice of profession, I didn't care: at least I was doing something I liked. "So anyway, dinner at 5:30, be there. Peace out." With that he hung up the phone without leaving me any time to complain. Peace out? What was that about? Emmett was too weird sometimes.

I flipped the phone shut and threw it on my couch and turned my attention back to the ivory and ebony keys in front of me. I was fortunate to have been in the right place at the right time and was picked up by an advertising agency working on jingles for commercials. Currently I was trying to think of something for a new vodka and lemonade alcopop and I was really struggling. The same three bars of a tune worked their way through onto the keys. The same three bars which I had always planned on adding more to. Until three years ago. Funny how life never works out the way you hoped or planned.

I shut the lid on the keys rather more aggressively than normal and glanced at my watch; 2:15, time to call it a day. I didn't have to give anything back to the company till next week so I had plenty of time to work on the tune. My mind was too distracted with thoughts of Bella.

I shook my head and put my feet up on the coffee table as I slouched into my couch. Grabbing the TV remote I put on the first thing I came to, some mind-numbing reality TV show of some kind and watched it, kicking my shoes off, getting real comfortable. But no matter how much I tried to let the monotonous blonde with boobs infiltrate my mind her hair would turn brown and her body would slim down to a petite size. Why had this girl settled in my mind, refusing to let me get over her, no matter how blatantly obvious that in reality it was never going to happen. Fuck!!

I threw the TV remote onto the coffee table and pressed my hands against my eyes. My obsession for Bella was never as bad as this, I was just nervous as hell facing the prospect of dinner with her and my brother. I turned the TV off and decided to calm down in the shower.

After allowing the hat water to run over my body, relaxing my tensed up muscles, I carelessly picked out a shirt and pair of faded jeans before throwing them on. I didn't want to be seen to make too much of an effort for dinner. I glanced at the watch on my wrist, I still had an hour and a half before I had to be there. Already I could feel my palms becoming slick with sweat. Damn, I really was pathetic.

Never going to happen. She was out of my league anyway! Emmett was all right for her, whereas I was all wrong. He could provide for her, give her the family she deserved. I had no idea how to be intimate with someone, and although I was pretty sure I could learn, it could never be enough to give Bella the treatment she deserved.

I sighed and settled down at my piano, letting the stress and frustration flow out my body and through my fingers onto the keys. It was useless, the same entrance of the composition I had started when I was seventeen kept playing, each time with a different twist. I had resolved _not _to finish that song. I couldn't, it just hurt too much, because it signified everything that I had lost because of my own stupid ways.

When the time came where there was nothing else for me to stall with anymore I sighed, grabbed my car keys from the table in the hall and locked my door.

The drive over to Emmett and Bella's house was short, too short for my liking. I wanted to prolong the inevitable from happening. It was going to be an awkward dinner, I just couldn't fathom the reasoning behind just inviting me. Where Alice and Jasper too busy with their daughter to spend an evening with the Cullen's?

I parked my car beside Emmett's Jeep and Bella's Mercedes SUV, a car she never wanted. I remembered when her old truck finally took its last journey. She had been distraught at losing it, she and Emmett got into a huge fight because she wanted another truck just like it, Emmett told her he wasn't even sure those sort of vehicles were allowed outside of transport museums. He insisted on buying her a massive SUV instead. Of course, I knew Bella better than that, although she would never know that, she only drove it when absolutely necessary, a sore spot for him. I smiled as I walked up the five steps to their house and knocked on the door, shielding myself from the rain under the porch.

I heard Emmett running to the door his footsteps more than audible as he snatched open the door. The big brute stood in the doorway, his shoulders lightly hunched, black circles hallowed out under his eyes.

"Hey Eddie!" He greeted me with a huge man-hug, squashing my ribs, I was glad he took more care when holding Bella's fragile frame. He let me inside where Bella was leaning against the frame of the kitchen looking...well looking beautiful. My memories never did do her justice, the light in the room highlighted her warm brown hair that was curled and sprawled over her shoulders, framing her face perfectly.

"Hi Edward." She smiled at me, I didn't think she realized just how breathtaking she looked when she unleashed her smile.

"Evening Bella." I walked past Emmett and handed Bella the bottle of wine I had brought from my apartment.

"Oh thank you." She replied and read the label on the bottle before smiling - obviously the wine was not something they would have usually drunk. I knew it probably wouldn't even be kept in the fridge, this one would be going straight in the cupboard and either binned eventually or only brought out when everything else had run out.

She looked up at me with her big brown orbs and I had to break eye contact. Most polite men would give her a quick peck on the cheek as a greeting and a thank you for the invitation to dinner, I opted for the rude sidestep into the living room routine. She recovered herself quickly.

"Well, I suppose I had better get a move on with dinner! Em, could you please finish setting the table for me?"

"Sure baby." He kissed her swiftly and she retreated to the kitchen. He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into the dining room, where I took a glance at the table. I didn't see what else needed setting. Bella always took a pride in the appearance of her home. The table was always properly set with the placemats out, two candlesticks on the table, napkins in glasses when I arrived.

"You could at least try and be civil Edward, it won't kill you." He spat out at me before releasing my arm. He turned his attention to the table, looked confused and shrugged his shoulders before rounding on me again, this time more gentle and concerned. "Be polite tonight please, Bella...she's a little fragile just now, ok?" he warned. Why was Bella fragile? What the hell had the oaf done to her?

"Why is she fragile?" I demanded.

"Look, she wouldn't want me talking about it just now. She wouldn't want dinner ruined for you; can you wait till after we've eaten?" Why would Bella care if dinner had been ruined for me? I couldn't understand the reasoning behind it. I nodded in assent and Emmett vanished through into the kitchen to help Bella with something.

I sat on their big leather couch and was distracted by the large 16x16 canvas print of their wedding photo on the wall. Emmett's grin in the photo just said it all, I even remember on their big day how happy they had been. Em had practically been bouncing off the walls, he couldn't believe he was finally able to marry the "woman of his dreams". I tried my hardest that day to make it through without objecting when they said their vows. I still managed to make a spectacle of myself at the reception, bedding two of the bridesmaids in my drunken state was not a high point for me. God I had even hit on Bella's mom. Emmett had told me he could never forgive me for my performance and refused to speak to me again. I was more than happy with that, the less interaction I had with the happy couple the more I would be able to cope.

Unfortunately Bella thought it was ridiculous for two brothers to fall out over something so trivial and traveled to my apartment one raining day to tell me so. When I found her on my doorstep that day I had never been so joyous. I truly thought she had realized her mistake and had picked the wrong brother. Quite how I had deduced that I could never figure out, why would Bella fall for someone who had always been the biggest jerk to her? I shook my head and broke my gaze from the picture. It hurt to know that if I had behaved the way Esme and my dad had taught me, it could have been me in the picture smiling at Bella, beaming down at my bride. Instead, after ditching the bridesmaids I spent the night crying into my bottle of Tequila. Yes, crying. I had only cried a few times since the age of ten, and every time it was because of Bella.

My thoughts were disturbed as Emmett brought through three big plates of Chilli, the smell wafting off the food make my mouth water and my stomach rumble, even though I wasn't entirely hungry. Bella certainly knew how to cook.

I thought I should at least make an effort to do as Emmett asked, you know, clean up my tarnished image in her eyes a little bit. "Smells great Bella." I smiled at her, I was not prepared for the smile I got in return, like she had received a complement from bloody Gordon Ramsey about her cooking or something. Did it really mean that much to her?

"Thanks Edward, I hope you like it." I watched her carefully sit down at the table and unfold the napkin from inside the glass onto her lap. I did the same as Emmett put the plates in front of us and uncorked a bottle of expensive wine.

"I don't think there's any way I couldn't." I remarked as Emmett filled my wine glass up to the rim. "You know I'm driving Em?" warning him about the alcohol.

"Yeah, but a glass of wine won't do anything to you."

"Right, when you fill it up that full, it actually might." The wineglasses were the size of goldfish bowls, must have been half a bottle of wine waiting for me to consume. Emmett laughed awkwardly as he sat down to eat. Were they trying to get me drunk? Something must really be up.

Dinner for the most part was a silent affair, the palpable tension between Bella and Emmett was obvious. Bella kept staring at Emmett occasionally making "discreet" eye movements at me – I pretended I hadn't noticed and concentrated on my food. Were they having marital problems? No, why would they have invited me here on my own if they were having problems? I let a few crazy ideas swarm about my head like threesomes before becoming a bit awkward. Bella on her own...i could deal with that, if she needed a change of scenery should I say.

"So that Mariners game, really something...did _not_ expect them to lose, did you?" I attempted hoping that sport would at least pull Emmett into a conversation.

"Didn't catch it man." He muttered whilst looking at Bella. She looked like she was signalling him to talk to me again. I felt my anger at being left out of something boiling and burst out.

"What's the deal here guys? What's going on? What's with the fancy china? Why was I to come alone?" Question after question streamed out of my mouth, Bella looked perplexed and amused at the same time while Emmett sat staring at his dinner. I stated at Emmett willing him to answer. I didn't expect Bella's smooth voice to pipe up.

"Actually Emmett has something to ask you – a favor of sorts." She bit her lip and blushed as she talked. To prove how obsessed I was with her, it took my mind off the conversation at hand as I watched her pressing her teeth into her bottom lip until it went white. When she realized I was staring she quickly stopped but her face turned a bright puce color. Aw.

"You do realize you don't have to invite me round to dinner to ask a favor, yes?"

"Well, it's sort of more out of the ordinary favor, why don't you ask him Em?" she grabbed his hand and squeezed it in encouragement. I felt a slight pang of jealousy slice through me before I recovered and looked at Emmett who looked like he was having some sort of internal debate.

"Yes, Em, why don't you ask me?" I asked flatly. It had to be bad if Emmett was rendered speechless. He had always been the outspoken one in our family.

"Go on." Bella whispered, kissing his cheek. This seemed to awaken Emmett, although I reckon having Bella's lips anywhere on my body would awaken plenty parts of me...

The clattering of Emmett's cutlery on the plate made a clatter causing Bella to jump about a foot off her seat. I tried not to smile at it and concentrated on Emmett.

"Edward, you know how Alice and Jasper have just had Sarah?" I nodded my head, of course I knew, what was he getting at? "Well, me and Bella have decided to have a baby." He looked over at Bella who nodded her head encouraging him to go on. "And well, there's something about that, that I have to ask you."

"You want me to be the Godfather of your baby?" I stated, which to be honest is pretty weird to ask when you haven't even conceived. Or maybe they had, Bella did have such a slight frame, bet it wouldn't show on her, even if it was Emmett's big headed baby. _Fuck, Bella can't have Emmett's kid!_ This totally blew it for me, definitely no chance in hell of me ever being with her. I felt my heart begin to shatter, the already shoddily put back together pieces becoming undone again. No matter how much I tried to get over her, every time she moved on in her life the fault lines in my heart bump together again, causing a cataclysmic feeling from the depth of my stomach to work its way up through my chest. My breathing became laboured; my heart feeling like it was no longer beating, the cold sweat being released over my body. The news every time was like a flood-gate, I knew what to expect every time they told me something like this milestone, but knowing can never prepare you for the onslaught of pain that soon came in its place.

I picked up the fish bowl of wine and gulped it down, the coolness stinging the lump in the back of my throat.

"Well we hadn't even thought of that...If you would feel comfortable enough after we ask you what we're about to, we would love you to be a godparent." Bella smiled warmly at me.

I choked on my wine. "that's not what you were going to ask me?" the sharp taste of the grapes in the wine was coming burning up my throat.

"Well no actually..." Bella started before looking to Emmett for help.

"What Bella is trying to say is...well..._fuck_..." He looked down at the table, his face pale and withdrawn.

"What is it? Your freaking me out Em? Would you just tell me already?!"

His head shot up and he looked at me. "I can't have children" he snapped acerbically. I felt my jaw drop. Emmett couldn't do something? More importantly Emmett couldn't do something for Bella. If she had of married me she could be pregnant right now! The realization of what they were actually asking me hit me when I saw Bella look at me desperately. _Fuck no_. My already laboured breath caught in my throat, my shock felt like it was slowly killing me, I had to be dead now? Or dreaming? Yes I had to be dreaming! This couldn't be happening.

"We need you Edward." She whispered. "You know I hate asking you for anything...Emmett hates asking for things from you, but we could really use your help." I stared into her distressed brown orbs and the desperation I saw there showed me I wasn't dreaming. My dreaming Bella never looked desperate, with me or not. I could not imagine such sadness etched onto her face.

I stared at the couple open-mouthed. How could they ask me this? _Oh yeah, cause they didn't know._

Emmett stood up quickly and left the room. I couldn't move, I felt fixed to my seat in shock.

"Emmett wanted it to be you Edward, I know how weird this must be for you. I am sorry." I was vaguely aware of her skin touching mine, the heat from her felt like I was burning. "He loves you you know? He wanted his child to be like you, funny, smart, beautiful..." she tailed off. _Did she think I was beautiful or was that Emmett's words?_ "We don't want it to be anyone else, we can't trust anyone else with this, you are just what we need. Please tell me you'll say yes?"

I couldn't reply, my voice had been lost. I wanted to shout NO! But my heart was telling me it was something Bella wanted – desperately, and how could I say no to that? How could I give her that without it killing me though?

"I know you don't like me very much Edward, but please, just think of how happy it would make Em. He needs this. You don't even have to think of me in this one. Please?" She begged me.

She was right, it would make Em happy, I didn't care though. I was too selfish. How could I give her what _I _wanted with her, to her and another man? Not just another man, my brother! My breathing started again and I felt myself hyperventilating. I had to get of there. I mustered all my straight together and yanked myself from my seat before rushing out the front door into the cool night air, where I promptly threw up in the rose bushes by the front steps. I collapsed to the ground and let my stomach empty, the dry balking arriving next, causing my throat to burn even more than it already was.

I shut my car door and turned the engine on, the reassuring growl of the engine let me relax slightly. I shifted the car into reverse and pulled out the drive way, the engine revving.

My mind was blank...I couldn't concentrate and I could already feel the effects of their stupid heavy proof wine causing my head to spin.

I felt myself being pushed back into my seat, my head hitting the restraint. Subconsciously I had allowed my foot to hit the gas.

I chanced a look outside the window and watched the greenery of the god forsaken town whiz past me at 100mph. I eased off on the pedal and tapped the brakes lightly, hoping this would calm and slow down my thoughts at the same time.

My head was still spinning. My throat was still dry. My stomach felt like it was still vacating everything I had consumed at dinner. The dinner which would unquestionably change the life's of everyone present.

Emmett was asking too much this time. It was difficult enough to be his best man, but this...this was a completely different kettle of fish.

The wedding had signified the death of my dreams but this just put the nail in the coffin.

I knew Emmett wouldn't ask unless he felt it absolutely necessary and important to him, but that fact could never ever make this any easier for me. I mean he had essentially came to me admitting that the one thing we men were best equipped for, he was incapable of doing. Clearly this meant he had taken a dent to his confidence and pride. A significant chunk of it in fact; judging from his disheveled, tired appearance that much was evident. I could only imagine this had been the source of numerous arguments.

Her pleading words were ringing through my ears over and over and over again. How could I deny this woman anything, yet how could I give her everything I wanted with her with another man.

_I know you don't like me very much Edward, but please, just think of how happy it would make Em. He needs this. You don't even have to think of me in this one. Please?_

In fact, I felt the exact opposite. If I didn't like her, this would have been so much easier. How could I give them the one thing they wanted...give her the one thing she wanted and let them go on to play "happy families" without me being a part of it?

I was too much of a pussy to admit to everything before, for the reasons why I had taunted and belittled her, I felt I owed something to her; just did it have to be this? I always thought I would be able to fulfill anything she asked me, but this wasn't just anything. And although I was happy they had come to me, I wish in some ways they hadn't. But if this problem was making her sad then I wanted to be the one that could make it go away. I could play over on Emmett's weaknesses. But I still wouldn't be seen as the hero in it all, Em would always be the hero in her life. My mind was in turmoil, how was I supposed to decide if I should give this to them or just deny the one thing that they needed to be a complete unit?

I felt the desire to puke again and pulled over abruptly to the side of the road before jumping out the car.

After I wiped my arm on my sleeve I had decided that I was done being a selfish bastard, my dreams were over. I may as well give them theirs. Bella should not suffer for my selfishness.

I got back in my car and turned it around heading towards my life of eternal damnation. This was the end for me.

**A/N:** _I'm so happy i finally got this up!! I really hope you enjoyed reading this chapter, the stories actually really exciting me!! Can't wait to read what you my reviewers - my favorite people thought!!_

_Leave some of your love!!!  
_


	3. Nodding, Promises and Beer

**A/N: Ok I should probably apologize about the lack of updates on this story...I know I know, I really suck. I've been having a bit of trouble because Edward doesn't want to mope about, he wasn't to take action and make Bella his! But that just wouldn't work into the story line I have planned out. He was being very uncooperative! **

**Thank you to everyone has reviewed so far, I'm so glad everyone is liking the story so far, "wipes tear from eye" so cheers.**

**Well my bad sorry if you got two chapter alerts, i had this up for like an hour before i got a major case of OCD and had to fix a few errors! I've not changed any of the story just a few typos that were annoying me!**

**So sorry it's been so long but here is the last few lines of the last chapter to job your memory! **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Previously on The Ultimate Favor:

_After I wiped my arm on my sleeve I had decided that I was done being a selfish bastard, my dreams were over. I may as well give them theirs. Bella should not suffer for my selfishness._

_I got back in my car and turned it around heading towards my life of eternal damnation. This was the end for me. _

_******_

**EPOV**

_I could do it._

No I couldn't.

_It's easy, a few simple words, just say them. _

A few simple words that would ruin my chances of ever being happy.

_C'mon...stop being a pussy. _

You can do it Edward! Pull yourself together.

I was mentally berating myself for getting myself stuck in this situation. I was still struggling to decide whether making Em and Bella happy was the right choice or if it was the fools choice. So far the fools choice had won the tossup 9 out of 10 times. I lifted my head off the steering wheel before whacking it off the plastic again. I could hear my brain demanding me to stop smacking it off of hard objects as the searing pain struck in the same place I had hit it the last dozen times.

I wanted to scream in frustration. I couldn't believe what they had asked of me. My decision right now at this moment was to high-tail it out of there and to never look back. I wouldn't be able to face Emmett again.

Common sense told me I had had too much to drink and wasn't able to drive. Yup, ok, that was totally the reason I was stalling going back to Emmett and Bella's house. I thought back to my reasoning that had turned me back in the direction of their house anyway...Bella should not suffer because of my selfishness. If she wanted a baby and Emmett couldn't do it then why should I make her endure that pain?

After I had initially made my decision to do the "good thing" I had every intention of going to tell the couple that I would agree to it, but then flashes of me being the one stroking Bella's swollen stomach and holding her hand when she was going through the pain of labor stormed my head. This did nothing but remind me of how much I wanted this with her. Selfish Edward came back. If Bella didn't want it with me in the fuller picture then she couldn't get it.

I hit my head in frustration at the thought of being that cruel to Bella. If she wanted it -which she clearly did judging by the look of desperation on her face earlier, then I _had to_ give her it. _That was it_. I had to do this for her, I could stop being seen as the selfish jackass brother-in-law.

I thought to my sister and her boyfriend when their daughter was born. Alice's tears in her eyes while holding onto the tiny bundle with a thick tuft of blond hair while Jasper's arm was around her - the other hand given to his little girl as she clutched his thumb - was enough to show me how serious and committed they were to each other, maybe this was the final shove that I needed. Maybe it would help me finally get over Bella's relationship with Emmett and I could try my own serious relationship with someone else.

I turned the key in the ignition and looked around before pulling off again, turning the radio on to drown out any counterproductive thoughts.

I turned the corner to the affluent street where my family lived and I felt my palms becoming slick with sweat, slipping off the steering wheel. As I approached their house I parked in the same place as I had before. I could see the blinds twitching in the living room; obviously my car was not as quiet as I wished it to be. As I locked the Volvo and made my way up the steps to their house my breathing pattern was all out. I noticed there was no trace of my dinner over the patch of the flowers I had thrown up over – it had been washed away by the rain. When I reached the top step the front door was flung open with Bella standing behind it, her eyes wild and red. She searched my face, and I nodded in assent and she leaped at me with her arms out.

Her small body smashed into mine with vigor and her small arms snaked her way around my waist. Her scent wafted up to my nose and I had to close my eyes and marvel at the moment, as I gently pulled my arms up and around her body. The way her breath fanned up to my face as she pulled away to look at me affected my nether regions and I was glad she was no longer pressed up against me.

"Thank you Edward." She whispered gratefully. "Do you want to come in? You look a little green?" She asked me concerned. I nodded my head and followed her through to the kitchen. She handed me a glass of chilled water and I sat down at the table to drink it. She stood with one hand leaning on the table and one on her hip, facing me.

"Are you serious Edward? About doing this?" I nodded my head again, knowing for a fact that words would fail me right now. I knew if I uttered the words _yes_ to her then it would be a verbal contract...I would do it. Right now I could still change my mind...couldn't I? I looked to her joyous face and realized that no, I couldn't. Seeing her this happy, because of _me_ was something amazing. The only emotions I had received from her before were sadness, anger and irritation.

"You are changing our lives; you are doing an amazing thing for us." She whispered as she walked towards me and wrapped her hands around my neck. I couldn't help but see this as more of a lovers embrace and pressed my head against her arm, desperate for as much contact from her as I could get. She pulled away from me and took the seat next to mine, angling it so she faced me. "I would get Emmett, but he's in bed. You have no idea what this has done to him. He has been distraught - it's just been leaving such a huge hole in our marria..." She stopped at looked down at the floor in embarrassment. "I'm sorry; I don't know why I told you that...God Edward, thank you."

Part of me felt like taking the revelation that her marriage was suffering because of Emmett's "condition" and spinning it to say that they shouldn't be having kids if they were fighting or whatever, but I knew that if any marriage could stand the test of time, no matter what was thrown at them – it would be Emmett and Bella's. No matter how it pained me to say it, I knew it was true.

"Look, Bella, it is understandable that you and Emmett are going through a rough patch. Finding out that Emmett has a...ahem...problem...that is bound to put a strain on any relationship." I offered. I decided to play it out as the nice guy, there was no point being a jerk to her anymore. I had to understand that she was with Emmett, they were together and there was no chance in hell of me ever being with her. Even thinking these words internally caused a slight pain in my chest. I tried not to wince.

"Do you know you are being wonderful tonight?" She smiled at me, "I really didn't think you were going to come back after you ran out. To be honest – I couldn't blame you if you didn't. I know that I am not your favorite person in the world." She laughed dryly and I looked at my feet. Oh if only I could tell her what I really thought about her. I could tell her everything I knew about her from studying her inconspicuously when she wasn't looking. I only wondered if it would send her running. She sure as hell would not be impressed to find out that I almost sort of hated my brother for getting the girl I wanted. That I was insanely jealous he was the one that got to be the last person she looked at every night, the first person she saw in the morning. That I would always envy he got to spend all the time he wanted to with her. _That I hated myself for not doing anything about it sooner._

But she would never know. I couldn't change it now. I could be nice to her, but never too nice. Never overly friendly.

"Will you tell Emmett I dropped back by?" I asked her as I scraped the chair off the floor. I hoped I woke the bastard up, he thought he had troubles when _he_ was the one that got to be with Bella? I loped out of the kitchen with a terse wave over my shoulder and ventured to the door before I heard Bella behind me.

"You don't have to go yet." She whispered but I took it as seductive in my head. In my own thoughts Bella was with _me_. We were having a torrid affair while her evil husband was asleep upstairs. _Fuck Edward, cut it out! You'll never get over her thinking like that_. I shook my head to rid it of temptress Bella. I knew she would be back tonight in my sleep. That was something I could never control – not without copious amounts of sleeping tablets or Valium.

"I do."

"You don't. Look, are you freaking out over this?"

"Bella I do have to leave, and yes, who would not be freaking out over this?" I answered truthfully. If she asked me why I was freaking out...could I tell her?

"Listen, I told Emmett to go with a sperm donor but he was adamant that he wanted someone he was close to to donate it. He _picked you_ Edward because he loves you so much. You're his brother."

"Yeah, but not really. On paper I may be, but not biologically. It's not like the kids going to look anything like him!" I snapped at her cruelly. I watched her beautiful face wince as she heard my horrible words. "Fuck, Bella I'm sorry. That was really heartless of me. I didn't mean it like that." I shook my head annoyed at myself _again_. "You can phone if you need to discuss any of this with me, and how you're going to go about doing it." I said as I marched out the door to my car feeling like a douche, a prick and a twat all in one. I smacked my head of the steering wheel once again for good measure, inadvertently honking the horn at the same time. I groaned and reversed out of the drive heading for home.

I arrived back in my rather un-homley, empty and lonely flat after making a quick detour at the off-license picking up a new 12 pack of beer. I bumped into one of the younger residents of the apartment complex who looked like he was just heading for a night out.

"Cullen! Dude!"

"Seth." I nodded my head in recognition and I noticed his shirt and black jeans. "Where you off too?"

"New club opening in Port Angeles, meant to be one of a kind, just heading out there to catch some ladies!" he laughed as his tall friend beside him rolled his eyes. "Oh, you wanna come?!" He asked as an afterthought. I had to resist the urge to laugh that a newly turned 21 year old was asking me to come out clubbing with him. I shook my head a showed him the beers in my hand. "Dude c'mon! You ain't thirty yet! Is it a girl? You got a girlfriend? Oh please tell me it was that smoking hottie that was doing the walk of shame last week? If you've got a woman you could just get all the girls over, you could be our bait! All the girls I know fall at your feet, please man!" He begged me.

"Maybe another time Seth."I answered as I hit the button for the lift which opened immediately, allowing me a quick escape. The thing about Seth was he was too excitable; he passed comment on every girl I had ever slept with as if he should be the next one in line for them. No, I was going to be drowning my sorrows on my own tonight.

I shoved the beers in my fridge after using the bottle opener Bella and Emmett had given me as part of a set for Christmas one year. Turning the TV on I hunted for any channel that had nothing to do with romance. I settled on the reality TV channel again. Complete load of crap but useful in situations like this. There was always one girl who was a psycho slut with massive boobs who I could pay attention to. I muted the sound and downed my beer quickly.

After my sixth beer I felt ill and fed up of TV. The show had finished and now it was something about weddings and bitchy brides. Not what I wanted to watch. I decided to grab my laptop and do a bit of research. What exactly had I got myself in for? _Please tell me I just have to jizz in a cup..._

I quickly realized that I had no idea what Bella wanted to do, if it was just Emmett that had a problem then was it just artificial insemination, or was it IVF? I should have talked more to Bella about this and have been more understanding. How was I supposed to know what they were going to do if I didn't know what procedure they would use? It was likely all I would do either way was just jack off into a cup, but I wanted to know what Bella would have to go through to because her husband was incapable of giving her children.

Was it all the pot smoking and drinking Emmett had partaken in or was it the constant fights me and Alice would get into with him when our parents first married? Alice always went straight for the balls which rendered him useless in a fight - curling into the fetal position on the floor. Was it an accident in football which had left him infertile? What did it matter, I didn't care. He was still unable to give Bella what she wanted, after all the promises he had made to her on their wedding day. Hope he felt like a dick now. You shouldn't make promises you can't keep. I laughed darkly as I opened another bottle throwing the last empty one in the bin. I received a sense of satisfaction when I heard the glass shattering as it hit another bottle already present. It sort of signified my heart in a way. Broken.

I could only hope that when Bella had my...their baby that I would be able to move on I with my life, I could find someone new who I would love more than I thought I loved Bella. But what happened if I saw the baby as mine, as it would biologically be. Mine and Bella's baby – would that make me want to stake my claim on Bella even more than before?

I slammed the lid of my laptop down and looked at the time. I really should have gone to bed when I got in - instead I was foolish and drank a few too many beers. At least it wasn't like I had to go to an office to work tomorrow, even thought it was a Friday I could stay in bed all day. Chugging the remains of my last bottle I threw it down on the ground and wandered into my cold bedroom. Stripping down to my boxers I threw back the covers and wrapped myself up in them. I didn't have the warmth of the woman I loved next to me; I would have to make do with the duvet.

******

I woke when it was still dark outside. I should have known better than to mix alcohol with my depressed state last night. The dreams of Bella were more vivid than usual. We were in the midst of a steamy session when Emmett walked in; furious at my position atop his wife. Bella smiled slyly at him letting him know how useless she thought he was, why couldn't he be a real man, like Edward. He pulled me off her and tried to break my neck while she sat smiling at the incident unfolding in front of her.

My hand brushed over my hard morning erection and I groaned. Even Emmett killing me had not deterred that this morning. I also thought the amount of alcohol drank would cause a slight problem with the arrival of the daily raging hard on but apparently not.

I felt the funny feeling in my stomach which could only mean one thing. Hangover. Quickly rushing out of bed I sat in front of the bowl of the toilet waiting for the heaving to start, wondering if there was anything in my stomach to throw up. My throat felt raw and sore; like I had already thrown up several times but couldn't remember when. Maybe I just had the flu?

And then it hit me. Emmett and Bella's favor. Throwing up in the flowers. Throwing up at the side of the road. Lots and lots of alcohol.

Fuck.

I had told Bella I would do it. I told her I would help them. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

I shut my eyes and lay my head on the toilet seat.

I opened them again when I heard the phone ringing in the hall. I let the machine kick in as I picked myself up off the ground, stretching my aching muscles from my awkward position on the floor. How I had managed to fall asleep like that I didn't know.

After a nice long shower I managed to drag myself to the kitchen for a piece of toast and a glass of water chasing two painkillers.

My mind was too active – rushing through stupid rash decisions I had made the night before that I felt I had to follow through on now.

I had three messages on my answering machine. I hit the play button as I picked up magazines I had left lying on the floor.

"Hey bud, its Jasper. Alice is giving me the night off baby duties on Saturday. Just wondering if you wanted to go out, I'll as Emmett too. Let me know. See ya." The machine beeped. Great, just what I wanted, I thought sarcastically, a night out with Emmett and Jasper. Jasper would be too obsessed with Sarah and how much of a precious child she was. Emmett would sulk that he couldn't have one and I would want to hit them both.

"Edward." It was Bella's voice. "I think I have the right number...ehm, well I just wanted to check you got in ok last night. You seemed a little upset when you left. I also wanted to let you know that me and Em have a appointment at the doctors next week so we can discuss options with her. You are more than welcome to come, just so you know what will be happening. Eh, get back in touch soon. Hope your ok. Bye." There was a pause for a few seconds before the machine beeped again. Had Bella never phoned my apartment before? Well I suppose she hadn't, there was no need for her to. I made sure I gave the impression I didn't like her, overplaying it all a little too much. Her voice had brought my selfishness to bay; I was making the right choice...for her.

"Honey, can you please give me a call back soon. Carlisle wants to have you all over for dinner at the weekend, let me know if you can make it darling. Love you, bye." I groaned at the sound of my mother's voice. She was probably peeved that I hadn't rung back the last few times she had left messages. The prospect of having a family dinner didn't encourage me to phone her back this time but I felt the need to hear my mom's voice again. As sad as it was to say, I needed my mom.

I picked the phone up off the stand and checked through its list of numbers for their house. My mom picked up on the third ring.

"Hello, Cullen residence."

"Hi mom, it's me."

"Edward! Oh I am so glad you phoned. How are you?" she asked politely before she asked me about my attendance at dinner. I decided not to tell her what was wrong with me.

"Fine." I realized my throat sounded hoarse and dry.

"Hmm, have you been drinking? I can practically smell your boozy breathe over the phone." She pushed.

"No mom." I felt like a teenage boy being questioned after coming in late on a school night again.

"Uhuh. Well are you coming to dinner tomorrow night? I know it's a Saturday and you like your nights out on Saturdays but Carlisle has some important news."

"I'd love to mom."

"Oh that's great! He will be so happy. I think Alice and Jasper are coming round with Sarah too. My only grand-daughter. I can't believe I'm so old and only have one grandchild to account for." I rolled my eyes at her comment. If only she knew what she was asking for. I did know however what would be coming next if I didn't butt in with something else to talk about.

"Mom, can I come round tonight and stay?" I couldn't be on my own again tonight, plus with Esme's cooking – well that was just a bonus.

"Of course I don't mind you staying." She told me with warmth. "Is there something wrong?"

"No. Just miss my mom." God I was such a mommy's boy. She laughed at me but I could tell she was delighted.

"You just head on over when you feel like it. Make sure the alcohol is all out of your system before driving though...don't think I can't tell." I could tell her eyebrows were raised – she knew she had caught me out.

"Ok mom. I'll be round after lunch then." I told her and we both hung up after saying our goodbyes.

I debated calling Bella back but decided against it, I was sure I would see her tomorrow; I could talk to the both of them sometime then.

I pottered about the apartment for the rest of the morning, cleaning up after the mess I had made last night. I still felt pretty rotten and like I was going to sick again but I struggled on regardless. When I could finally see the floor again I was quite content. I did not like living like a slob, it got my back up. I was sure that was Esme's fault, instilling OCD for cleanliness on Alice and myself when we were younger. It had however, never really kicked in until after I had moved out and gone to college which was another reason I hadn't liked Emmett sometimes, he was a messy slob and sharing a flat with him was not only annoying for the reason that Bella was always around but he was disgusting to clean up after.

I headed back to my childhood home just a little after lunch. I hadn't eaten anything but Esme soon saw to that after I entered the house. After an hour of fussing over me and scolding me for not visiting sooner she released me and I went back up to my old bedroom which had not changed at all in the last almost ten years since I had stayed here. My big comfy double bed's headboard was still against the wall opposite the door, my old CD and DVD collection were still present on the wall adjacent to the bed. My desk with old PC was on the other side of the room. So many memories always flooded back to me when I walked into this room. I ran my finger over the spines of the DVD cases before dumping my bag on the floor in front of my bed. I threw myself backwards onto the springy mattress with my feet dangling off the end. My Mom had freshly made up the bed with her favorite sheets – the ones she always used. The ones that were on the duvet when Bella...

I shook my head and got off the bed to turn on the PC. It was a really great PC when we first got it, but compared to my macbook it was slow as shit. I waited a few minutes for it to start up and I decided to browse through files which were cluttering up the desktop. A few unfinished essays for English in high school, a presentation for something and a couple of old pictures that I didn't bother looking at. I deleted them and went for a wander around Alice and Emmett's rooms.

A picture of Emmett with his arms wrapped around Bella whose head was thrown back laughing was on his dresser, I assumed it was one of Esme's pictures of the pair which she had added to the room for when they both stayed. The picture wounded me again, I couldn't go anywhere without being reminded of _her _and of how she wasn't with me_._

I shut the door to Emmett's room and went to Alice's. Both Alice and Emmett had cleared their rooms out of stuff they still used when they moved out to college unlike me who had left practically everything. All Alice had left was a bookcase full of CD's, old pictures that she didn't want to keep and some books. I had never realized that Alice had been that into reading, I walked over before picking out leather bound dark blue book. I flicked it open and immediately recognized teenage Alice's handwriting. Big loopy letters with circles over the I's. I quickly shut it and put it back on the shelve next to five other almost identical books. I almost turned round to leave her room before the diaries pulled me back to them. I picked up one in the middle and flicked through it until I arrived upon the entry I wanted to read. I tried to close the diary determined not to pry into my sisters personal thoughts but couldn't. I had to read it.

**

_Today's the day! Chief Swan's daughter is moving to Forks and is coming to school! I just know we are going to be the best of friends. I also know that this one has to stay away from my brother. The second he gets his dirty paws on any of my friends they don't want to know me anymore. Or maybe they are just using me to get to him. I don't know what it is but it hurts. He's the evil twin. My mom always used to say I was full of sunshine and happiness. If that's the case then he didn't receive any. Edward is a dick. Then there is his dick, a sister should not have to hear stories of her brother's private parts and how amazing he is when he uses it. Ick._

_I don't think Isabella will be like that. But she will be exactly what Edward wants – a girl. He'll have her and she will join the legions of girls who he has been with who parade themselves in front of him. It makes me sick. _

_I wish I had the brother back that looked out for me and mom when it was just us. When there was no Carlisle Cullen. Or Emmett. It was only after that, that he all changed and turned into the serial woman "pleaser"._

_******_

_I was right! A few well placed stories to ward Bella off of Edward and she almost hates him as much as I do! At lunch today Edward came over to the table we were seated at and tried to chat her up. She wasn't having any of it!_

_I love her!_

_**  
_

I quickly shut the diary and put it away. I had never had any idea that Alice hated me as much as she did. I never realized how my behavior affected her, nor did I care when I was younger. I had always been a selfish arrogant asshole.

I left Alice's room they way I found it and went back into my own where I flopped down on the bed and let my mind drift off to my own memories of Bella's first day at school.

**

_My eyes snapped to the new girl, who had just – as luck would have it – sat down with Alice at our table for lunch. My eyes drifted down to her boobs...ok there was not that much there, but there was just something about that face that captivated me and drew me in. I couldn't wait to see it contorted in pleasure as I made her come, or not...She could be there purely for my pleasure if need be.  
_

_I picked up a slice of pizza and paid for it before casually walking over to the table as holding myself back from the need to run._

"_Hey Ali." I nodded my head and she shook hers in warning back. I ignored her. "And who might you be?" I asked the pretty brunette with a hint of flirtation in my voice, and of course unleashing my award winning crooked grin that dropped girls panties. She turned round to Alice with her eyes raised before turning back to me. _

"_Well, I can tell you that I am not your next receptacle for Syphilis." She looked at me disgusted._

_I laughed it off, pretending that it didn't sting a little. Of course I didn't have any STD's I was smart, not dumb or fucking stupid. "Well, I don't know what Alice here has told you, but just so you know, she _is _my sister and _is _prone to lying." I felt Alice's tiny feet kick my shin sharply under the table but I continued with my smug smile anyway. I heard her sigh across from me and couldn't wait to hear a breathier version in my ear as she gripped her nails deep into my back. I shuddered slightly at the thought. _

"_If I give you my name will you bugger off and sit at the other side of the table?" She asked me in her superior "_I'm better than you but I'm just humoring you_" voice._

"_Not a chance." I grinned at her. "Mhm, how about we play a little game...You guess my name and then I guess yours? How does that sound?"_

"_It sounds like you better shut the hell up or I'll bust your nuts for talking to me like I'm a little child. But fine. I think you look like a total man-slut who is way too conceited and full of himself. I reckon you can't walk past a shiny object without checking yourself out in it. Oh and guess what? I also know for a fact that you will never _ever _sleep with me –_ _Edward Cullen!"_

"_Oh, my go!" I shouted breaking off her rant and pretending like I didn't care...cause I was going to get her in bed, if it was the last thing I did. "I think you look like a...hmmm." I studied her face and focused on her big brown eyes pretending to figure out her name. I had already heard it around school. She was the day's hot topic. She was the name on everyone's lips. Hmmm I couldn't wait till she was on my lips... "You have to be a Bella!" I shouted and clicked my fingers as if it had just come to me. I looked at her amused until she shot me an unbelievably dirty look. _

"_Go to hell." She blurted out before vacating her seat as quick as possible and moving to another table with Alice. Alice laughed in my face before she left to follow Bella._

_If anything, this incident would only encourage me to keep up my antics of chasing Bella. I would get hit me, when i realized that it was not just a case that i wanted the first go of the new toy, or that i didn't want anyone elses sloppy seconds...i actually just wanted _her.

**

It was now clear to me that Bella had been so against me that day because of what Alice had said to her. I felt slightly relieved that it maybe wouldn't have been her first impression of me if she hadn't befriended Alice. I suppose it didn't matter anyway. I fucked up as usual. I was still a huge dick to her and I could never take that back, no matter how much I wanted to.

* * *

**A/N: So, I thought I would give you all a little insight into how Edward first met Bella and how their messed up relationship came about.**

**I hate writing in sad Edward speak so I decided it needed that little bit at the end, back to his old boisterous ways, because he wasn't always the Edward he is now - full of remorse and self hating. **

**But don't all worry, I have the next few chapters partially written out as well as "Edward and Bella...the beginning" so I'm planning on having some more flash backs in each of the chapters. **

**Until next time my lovelies!  
**

**Leave some Love...  
**


	4. Dinner, Babies and Family Ties

**EPOV**

Everyone was crammed in around the dining room table. I was squished between Jasper and Emmett. Jasper was holding Sarah who was refusing to eat her pureed vegetables. Inadvertently most of what went in Sarah's mouth either ended up on Jasper or on her bib and a few splatters had reached me. I sympathized with her when I went to wipe it off, who wants to eat pureed crap?

"So the Doctor says Sarah is in the advanced set of babies...she can pull herself up on the couch now!" Alice squeaked whilst bouncing up and down in her seat.

Fuck who was this comparing babies and pitting them against each other? What confused me more was the fact that Jasper had produced an "advanced" baby. Even Alice hadn't been particularly gifted when younger. My mother just beamed at the baby as I could feel Emmett tense up beside me. I saw Bella squeeze his hand and smile at him, a moment I felt I should not be intruding on, Em was obviously struggling with his problem. Well lucky for him I was able to fix it.

"So how old is Sarah now then?" Bella asked.

"Eight months and two weeks on Monday." Alice said whilst looking proudly down at her child who was getting more frustrated with the food on offer and bouncing on Jasper's lap impatiently before she lunged forward and grabbed for me, arms outstretched.

"Do you wanna go see Uncle Eddie?" Jasper asked his daughter in a baby voice whilst putting his hand in front of her to prevent a fall to the floor. The baby was thrust in my face and I had no option but to take her.

It was ridiculous that I could count on one hand the number of times I had held my niece, and now that she was sitting in my arms it felt right, I didn't want to let her go. She was definitely heavier this time than the last I had held her, it was amazing to see the development of the child, she no longer looked so much like a plucked red and blotchy chicken but like a proper baby. She smiled up at me and her small pudgy hand came out of nowhere to hit me on the nose.

"I don't think she likes you Edward!" Emmett came out of his dour mood he had been in all evening and burst out laughing that a girl not even a year old was already punching me in the face.

Sarah was staring up at me intently, her blue eyes caught mine and I couldn't look away, I was captivated by the cheeky smile and big eyes. I could see why Bella and Emmett wanted one of these. Holding out my hand she grabbed a finger while screaming out in delight before she pulled it into her slobbery mouth and gumming it. I had to laugh; it was really cute, even if it was a little bit disgusting.

I glanced up to see everyone around the table looking at me strangely; Bella had a confused smile on her face. "What?" I asked.

"You don't like kids Edward." Alice stated. Where had she got that idea?

"What? Since when?"

"Since forever."

"Sarah is my niece, she can dribble all over me if she wants to." I said as I held her up under the armpits and studied her while she giggled.

The conversation moved on with the adults talking amongst themselves leaving me to play with the baby. I could feel an intense stare from where Bella was sitting every now and again; every time I looked up I saw her smiling at the picture of me with a baby in my hands. When our eyes met, she would break the contact, until the next time I caught her.

"Can you help me with the dishes girls?" Esme asked as I attempted to hand Jasper back his daughter.

"No man, she's behaving for you. Keep her!" He laughed. I shrugged my shoulders and followed the guys into the living room. I sat down on the floor where all the toys were sprawled out with Sarah in front of me, she was old enough to be able to sit without support but I kept my hand behind her back to prevent any falling. She may be cute but that head still looked far too big for her body, it was a wonder she wasn't crawling with it dragging on the floor. I gave her my finger and she continued to bite down on it. Poor mite's teeth must have been coming through. I watched with fascination as she was concentrating on my finger for one second before finding something on the floor to pick up to replace my finger with.

Hearing the tail end of my name I looked up to see Jasper looking down at me funny.

"Man you're weird." He complained as he shook his head at me. "Do you like kids all of a sudden?"

I don't know...did I? Had Bella's determination to get one no matter what she had to go through put me in a "broody" mood, or was it just the cute factor of my niece that had caused me to pay so much attention to the infant?

"Are you like going to settle down and stuff now so you can have your own little mini me?" Jasper joked.

"Don't be stupid. Sarah is family, I'll look after her but I don't want my own." I lied snapping. God how I wanted my own, as long as it looked like the woman I wanted it with.

My dad and Jasper both looked at me questioningly and Emmett shook his head. I shrugged my shoulders and picked up a teething ring on the play mat before holding it out for the little girl to take. I seemed so besotted and in a trance with her, only one girl had ever done that to me before...did it really mean I wanted a child with her? Was I really going to get over Bella knowing that she was sharing my flesh and blood with my brother?

I hadn't really talked to Emmett and Bella about their favor, in fact when they arrived Emmett grabbed my arm and dragged me to the corner of the room while Bella greeted our parents glancing surreptitiously over at our exchange every now and again.

"Edward, what we have asked of you...please don't mention it tonight. I don't want anyone to know anything, like in case, you know it can't go ahead or it doesn't work." He pleaded whilst still grabbing onto my arm so tight it felt like it was about to snap off...and I was no twiggy armed boy either. I nodded my head quickly, anxious of what the consequences would be if I didn't agree. Loosening his grasp he turned away before pausing and turning round again. "Thanks." It was a quiet murmur, so quiet I wasn't sure I heard it. Of course it would be quiet, I didn't expect anything more from him, his gratitude was essentially admitting that he couldn't do something and needed help. He had never been one for showing appreciation to anyone but Bella so I was slightly touched by the silent exchange.

Looking up at the big oaf wringing his hands as he watched my interaction with Sarah I realized that for everything I envied of him, he was still my brother, still someone I loved, still someone I would do anything for. And if this was the bullet that I had to take for my family then I would do so. I could do it, I would be strong enough for both Emmett and Bella, give them what they needed without taking anything in return.

Alice put Sarah in her cot upstairs not long after our dinner. They were staying over tonight as they had the furthest to travel to get home, and with a baby in the car, it was not a journey either of them was willing to make when they were tired.

Everyone had moved to the living room where Esme was laughing happily with Jasper and Bella. Emmett on the other hand was still moping about like a kid who had lost his favorite toy. His boisterous laughing at my expense at dinner had been a one off deal, no more mirth or amusement was emanated from his aura tonight. His face was pale and looked gaunt, Bella had not been lying when she informed me he had been struggling to sleep, it looked like he hadn't had a proper nights sleep in weeks. Bella on the other hand was having a great time, laughing and joking with Jasper as my mother watched them bounce jokes and slang insults at each other. They were close. So close, and I felt immensely jealous of the bond they shared. Of course it was obvious they were no more than really good, close friends, almost like a brother and sister - but even having that with Bella would be something.

Jasper was the only one who knew how I really felt about Bella. He picked up on it the moment he laid eyes on both of us together in the same room. It's not that I was being blatantly obvious about it, apparently he had picked up on my body language and how I was showing I was interested with every move I made. Damn Jasper and his psychologist studies. He had however helped me in my method of not letting anyone else in on my secret obsession for Bella. After warning me that harboring my secret for as long as I had been and to continue to do so would cause a breakdown at some point in my life, I had won him over and he told me what not to do.

I had never realized that I had been so obvious with my feelings for Bella. He advised me how to sit, to not fidget or wipe imaginary lint off my top, to not touch my hair and explained how each of these were subconscious flirtation devices. After time I eventually managed to gain control over my emotions for Bella and managed to push her further and further away. By the end of college she thought I well and truly hated her, which in a way I did. It was because of _her_ I couldn't go out with other women without thinking what _she_ was doing. I couldn't sleep with other women without seeing _her._ Of course I never really blamed it all on Bella, it wasn't entirely her fault I couldn't shake her from my mind. She was one of those people, entirely likable. I had fucked it up myself anyway. If I hadn't been as big an ass as I had been in high school she might have been with me now instead of Emmett.

I got up and sat next to Emmett who looked like someone had run over his puppy. "You ok man?"

"What do you think Edward?" He snapped back in a hushed tone. "I have failed as a man. I can't do what we are put on this earth for!" Wow, an overly philosophical Emmett was not a good thing.

"Em, that's not all man is put on the earth for. We're here to protect the one's we love, to help them when they need it and to make sure they feel loved. Just cause you can't do one thing doesn't mean you're a failure or anything." I told him, wondering where my own philosophical crap was spewing from tonight.

"You know that's not the point. I'm pushing Bells away. I can just tell she has been more distant recently. She wants this so badly and I just don't know how to fix it." He was frustrated, I could tell with the way he was scuffing the toes of his feet off the floor.

"No, that's what you've got me for." I added dryly.

"And you have no idea how much I appreciate that you would do that for us." He looked up at me with such sincerity in his face I almost felt happy about what I agreed to. "But I'm worrying that what if that doesn't work...what if you're not suitable, what if..."

"Emmett, shut up. How would I not be suitable?"

"You're eh..."promiscuous" ways with the ladies might have left you...with something." I frowned at him, why did everyone think I was stupid when it came to sex? "Or you might be infertile too...family background." He shrugged, "I don't know, but it's possible you wouldn't be eligible."

I thought of all his reasons, pretty sure that none of them would be a problem and was slightly angered that he thought I was that bad I would have an STI.

"Well if any of that is a problem then there is always the option of an anonymous donor." I offered hoping to get myself off the hook.

"But that's why we wanted you! I don't like the idea of not knowing whose baby she will be carrying. It freaks me out! I mean what if it's an ugly guy who just really wanted needed money for drugs so donated? What if it's a convict, when the kid gets older and it's like its donor and it wants to strangle or stab us in our sleep!" I had to suppress the urge to laugh at Emmett's ridiculous conclusions; this was not a moment for humor.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure they carry out extensive background checks Em. And I don't think there will be any problems on my side anyway."

"You say that now. What if you panic and decide you don't want to do it?" Hmm that was a question I had been wondering myself too.

"Not an option Emmett. I wouldn't do that to you." I tried to placate him and I almost saw the twitch of his lips.

"I love you man." He whispered before facing away from me to include himself in the conversation six feet away. Obviously his declaration was the end of our little conversation. Well I had officially tied myself into this now. There was no going back. Fuck.

I stood up from my seat on the couch and announced that I was leaving. Esme tried to get me to stay longer as Carlisle was about to crack open a bottle of champagne to celebrate the promotion he had just got at work, he was now chief of medicine. I couldn't drink and drive anyway and after one night of crashing in my old bed I wanted back in my own bed, on my own, in my own apartment.

The drive home was quiet. I didn't bother with music, but my mind was empty anyway. I felt like I was in shook, I had really just signed a verbal contract with Emmett that I wouldn't back out. It was different to agreeing it with Bella in some respect. I felt bound by family ties now.

I let myself into my apartment and sat in the dark in my living room allowing my thoughts to catch up with me.

I grabbed a pen and paper and made myself a list. Pro's and Con's.

So far the pro's slightly outweighed the con's. I thought back to what Emmett had said about an anonymous donor, and to be honest I felt the same. Bella needed it to be from someone who cared about her, who really knew her even if she didn't realize it. I wouldn't let some random guy who wanted to make a few quick bucks impregnate her. She didn't deserve that. I wanted to be the one to impregnate her.

Well dammit if I wasn't one selfish motherfucker. Why did I want it to be me so bad? So that maybe she could finally see that I did care for her, that I wanted to be with her and that maybe she would feel the same things about me? Not likely.

******

"_Jessica and Angela." Banner shouted out the next pair and neither of them looked happy with the arrangement. I caught Bella giving a small smile to Angela and mouthing "good luck"_

"_Lauren and Eric. Michael and Tyler. Bella and Edward." YES! I clapped my hands together in happiness while Bella groaned and let her head fall into her hands._

"_What did I do to deserve this?" She whined. _

"_We are going to have a great time!" I told her the excitement brimming over. We were being forced to do our next biology assignment together, which meant plenty of together time. I would bring her round no problem. She would be mine sooner than I imagined. "So, you can come round tonight, we can make a start on the assignment together." I said wiggling my eyebrows at her suggestively. _

"_Ugh. No way Edweird, I am not coming round to spend time with you." She spat out._

"_Oh, now now Bella, You are round at my house all the time. Just in the next room need I remind you." I winked at her._

"_You're disgusting." Her head was now hung in her hands and she looked pissed. Contrary to popular belief that I was an emotionless bastard I actually felt bad that I had upset and annoyed Bella. I had to stop doing that to her, stop acting like a jerk. Only thing I knew nowadays though was how to be a jerk. It's how I got my way. _

"_Ok I'm sorry Bella. That was incredibly inappropriate. I promise if you come round tonight I will behave. No nonsense, just the project." I smiled at her trying to reassure her that my intentions were completely honorable...which tonight, they would be. She looked at me open eyed and curiously as if she didn't believe me. "Really Bella. I swear I will behave, if I don't we can swap partners with someone else. You could have Mike, I know he likes you." I laughed at her but the thought of her spending time together with Mike was enough to make me behave and keep my toes in check. He was _not_ going to put his slimy hands on Bella and defile her. She grimaced, hopefully at the prospect of being paired up with Mike._

"_Well, I guess you're the lesser of two evils. No funny business." She warned pointing her finger at me. _

_I drew a halo above my head with my finger and she smirked at me._

"_Would you like to come round to my house for dinner then? You know my mom loves to see you." I asked her trying to continue the for once nice conversation between us. _

"_Eh...I don't know, I really need to make dinner for Charlie..." she hesitated. _

"_If you want Alice and I can follow you home so you can dump that...vehicle of yours off. I'll take you home myself tonight if you like?"_

"_Are you slagging off my truck Cullen?" She asked with arched eyebrows._

"_Of course not Bella." I angelically answered her, flashing my teeth._

"_I'll come round after dinner, I mean if that's ok."_

"_Sure." I confirmed as she turned her attention to the handout that Banner had given out to everyone._

"_Thank you." _

"_No problem." I smiled at her, Bella thanking me? Wow. _

"_If you like I can pick you up, and I'll take you home?" _

"_Wow, you're like desperate for me to get in your car ain't you?" She joked. "Are you trying to lure me in and kill me then dispose of my body at the side of the road somewhere?" Her voice was still playful but her eyes showed suspicion. _

"_Don't be stupid. I'm trying to be nice. You know, atone for my horrendous behavior with you before." I stated simply and it seemed to work, her face relaxed and her lips smoothed out into a cool line again, before her tongue darted out to moisten them. God, did she have _any_ idea what that did to me?!_

"_Do you really mean that?"_

"_Yup." I answered popping the "p."_

"_So you understand how much of an ass you have been?" She asked me with raised brows. _

"_Eh, don't think I would go as far as to call me an ass."_

"_I would. Alice calls you Assward a lot."_

"_I know." I gritted out between closed teeth._

"_You can pick me up at around seven." She told me smiling at me. _

"_Ok." I smiled back, happy that I had so far won this round. I was figuring out how to get through her icy exterior. It wouldn't be much longer. _

_**_

_I sat outside her house in my car for twenty minutes before she emerged. I wasn't early. No, matter of fact I was actually ten minutes late. I was sitting freezing my ass off waiting for her until she finally sauntered into the car all smiles...shivering. _

"_Oh it's freezing isn't it?" She exclaimed. I had to bite my lips so nothing cheeky would come out. No, that would only reverse all my work today in biology._

"_So while I was eating dinner, I looked over the notes Banner gave us for our assignment, it looks really easy, we could get an A no problem."_

"_Oh yeah, what is it?" I asked her my teeth chattering. I hadn't really taken the time to look at what we were doing, I had just been so happy I had achieved the goal of getting Bella round to my house._

"_We have to plan an experiment where we can show we know the different stages of Mitosis using whitefish blastula. The worst part is writing the report, but I can do that."_

"_And you think I can't? What makes you think I wouldn't be able to write a report?" I asked, irritated that she would jump to that conclusion._

"_I didn't mean it like that, you know I just thought...maybe you wouldn't want to do the writing?" She was backtracking on her words, not wanting to annoy me. Good, she could obviously sense when my temper was about to get the better of me. _

"_I could write a god damn report and get better marks than you." I spat out childishly. _

"_Grow the fuck up Cullen or you can take me home." She huffed as she crossed her arms over her chest._

"_I'm not the one in a cream puff." I joked, cause really who went in huffs anymore?_

"_Cream puff? What are you? Gay?" she goaded. I decided to ignore her until we got to mine. "Are you just going to ignore me if I say something you don't like?"_

"_When you call me gay...yes. I'm not gay." I disputed."It's what my mom calls huffs." I huffed myself...so not helping with the gay remarks. _

"_Me think someone doth protest too much." She giggled as we walked up stairs. She was really pissing me off. Why did I want her here again? As if to remind me she shimmied past me bumping her hip into my own, catching me off guard._ Oh yeah, that's why I wanted her here_ I thought to myself as I watched her little ass sashay from side to side as she walked ahead of me. Mental note to self: _always_ walk behind Bella._

_Bella did most of the talking about the experiment while I watched her lips move as she did. I was greeted occasionally with her tongue as it darted out to lick them every now and again. It was too off-putting for me, I actually offered to get her a glass of water so I could maybe concentrate on my blank bit of paper and not sound like a complete tool who was going to let her do all the work. She didn't seem to mind however, she was smart and I could tell she honestly wanted to take control and do it all herself. I wanted her to take control of another situation...in my pants. All jokes aside she did seem like a nice girl, contrary to what being around Alice caused her to act like. _

"_I think I had better get home..." she said hesitantly while picking up the pieces of paper that surrounded her...the island of Bella. She threw them together before she uncrossed her legs on my bed and made to get up. I jumped off the bed and offered my hand to help her down. Cause the two foot fall from my bed to the floor could be catastrophic..._

_She blushed furiously as she took my hand and jumped off the bed and smoothed down her shirt, still holding onto my hand. I stared down at the joint confused as to why her soft warm skin felt so nice against my hand just as she seemed to realize she was still clutching to me and hastily let go, snatching her hand back as if I had given her a shock. I looked at her with raised brows and she looked at the ground as she picked her stuff off the bed and held it under her arm. _

"_Are you ok to give me a lift just now then?" She asked, her face still flushed. _

"_Sure, let me grab my coat, you can go wait downstairs if you like." I watched her ass leave my room and I dashed into the bathroom to collect myself. I messed up my hair a little and stared at myself in the mirror before running downstairs grabbing my coat and keys on the way. _

_I caught her talking and laughing with Emmett in the living room. I felt a stab of jealousy jolt through me, why could she be normal around him? She was to be mine first. I felt like branding her head with "property of Edward Cullen." Maybe then Emmett would back the fuck off. I frowned at him and he waved at Bella realizing not to overstep his mark. Fucking oaf. _

"_Nice to see you Emmett." She giggled as she waved back. _

"_You too Miss Swan." He smiled at he, pretending to tip an imaginary hat at her and I frowned at him again ready to start growling at him to shove off._

_******_

I should have realized then that I didn't have a leg to stand on. That night on the way home she talked about Emmett, wondering why she hadn't really seen him in school before. As I dropped her off she told me not to tell Alice that we had to spend time together. "had to", she made it seem like it was such a chore for her, I had actually thought the night had gone quite well, I thought we had created our own little "bubble" and I was quite content with it, but I suppose it did seem like I made her do all the work.

I suppose hindsight is 20:20, what I wouldn't go back and change if I had the chance.

If I could go back and forced myself not to "preen" myself or just have gone straight downstairs with her, maybe she wouldn't have had such a great first proper impression of my brother. I was pretty sure the first impression Alice had given Bella of me was not a good one, I had been screwed since day one.

* * *

**A/N: So I'm starting to wonder, should I continue with this story? It's not that I'm struggling with it or anything, I just don't seem to be getting that much feedback with this one...**

**I'm not forcing you all to review or whatever I'm just a bit apprehensive to continue writing if no-one is actually liking what they are reading!**

**Anyway the next few chapters are where it really kicks off...I'm just trying to get you to see the background of all the characters and how they all interact with each other and how Edward feels about everyone, it's the relationships with his family that will help him through his decisions, so its important! **

**Next chapter Edward finds out just how Emmett and Bella plan to carry out the procedure...**


	5. Purple Haze and Secrets

"Edward Cullen?" My head shot up to catch the eye of the woman who had just called my name. She smiled at me and indicated for me to follow her through the door. I stood up on shaky legs and followed her long ones along the corridor for what seemed like an eternity before she disappeared into a room.

I followed her in and was greeted by posters of genitalia on the walls. Lovely. That just really spoke volumes about my dear doctor.

"I'm Dr Denali, why don't you take a seat, and we can talk." I did as I was told and gulped nervously as she tapped her nails on the hardwood desk as she used her other hand to open a file. After studiously studying it she looked up at me again with a huge smirk on her face. "Shall we just get straight down to business then?"Her voice was sickly sweet and I resisted the urge to wince...barely. I nodded carefully back at her, I knew what she would ask me, I had spent the past few nights finding everything out about donating sperm.

"Ok Mr Cullen, we're going to have to take a few blood samples, we will need the urine sample you should have brought with you and obviously a semen deposit." She smiled sweetly at me and I grimaced nervously back whilst nodding. "First though, could you please fill out this questionnaire, it's a bit long I'm afraid, but it's important you fill it out." She handed a clipboard over to me with a ream of paper attached. "Now it is extremely important you answer these truthfully Mr Cullen, if you lie and any child conceived using your sperm is born disabled it can sue for damages." I nodded and looked at the questions. It felt slightly surreal, almost as if I was just filling out a random survey form about my experience somewhere, not my family history so I could be considered for donating sperm to my brother and sister-in-law.

I ticked all the boxes to indicate that "no" I do not have a family history of mental illness, there were no genetic diseases apparent in my family and plenty more question equating to the same answers. I quickly scrawled my signature at the bottom of the form and passed it back to Dr Denali.

"That's fantastic, thank you. Now, I'm going to ask you to provide us with a sample of your sperm. This is for analysis purposes only, the sample will be frozen to see how it reacts and to ensure the sperm count is high enough for you to be considered as a donor. Now I assume that you did as the letter stated and have refrained from any sexual intercourse over the past five days?" I nodded in assent. "Ok, that's fine then. Now you have stated that you only wish to donate to one couple?"

"Yes my brother and his wife."

"You are giving a very precious gift to your family Edward." She sighed. "Are you sure you would not like to donate more to a sperm bank?"

I had thought this through before, but had decided against this. I didn't want little mini-me's running about that I had no idea about.

"No, I am not interested in that at all." I spoke firmly, to avoid any further questions on the issue.

"Well, I assume you have been provided with all the relevant information to do with this situation then?" I stared at her blankly, not sure what she meant. "Any man, not the husband, who produces sperm for the procedure shall not be the father of any child, born or unborn." She quoted in a very bored drawl. "Basically you will have no legal ties to the child."

"I knew that." I stuttered out quickly, I didn't want her thinking I didn't know what I was getting myself into. She arched her perfectly plucked brows at me before continuing at break-neck speeds.

"I would suggest in this situation that as you will likely be in close proximity to the child when born that you receive at least a couple of counseling sessions, with or without your brother and his wife."

"I don't think that will be necessary." I replied smoothly.

"Mr Cullen, it is advised you attend these sessions. In fact I _strongly_ advise it."

"Well, I strongly believe I will not require counseling." I argued; was she really going to send me: Edward Cullen to therapy? I didn't need it.

"Do you realize that your application may be declined if you are difficult?"

"Excuse me? How am I being difficult exactly? You "advised" me to go to therapy, that does not mean that I have to go." I vehemently answered.

"True, but I think it would be better for all parties involved to attend sessions. You can disagree if you like, I'm just letting you know that if I feel the route a patient is taking is not in their best interests that I can decline the application." She smiled smugly at me. Fuck. How easy it would be to walk out that door today and tell Bella and Emmett that I wasn't eligible. But no, I couldn't hurt them now. "Now, can I book you in for sessions if your application is successful?"

"Fine." I answered gruffly, staring at the floor in defeat.

"Great. Can you please go take a seat in the waiting room and wait for your name to be called. You will need to deposit a sample for us to analyze." Her voice was sickly sweet again and it was irritating me. I stumbled out of her office and sat down in the same seat I had been in earlier. This was the bit I was looking forward to least. Blood...I, unlike Bella, could deal with. That part was easy, needle in my arm, sharp pain for a minute and over. This bit, where I was actually going to have to masturbate in a clinical room: that was what scared the shit out of me.

Five other men who looked scared and nervous as shit were also waiting for their names to be called, each of them tapping their feet impatiently or sneaking glances at each other before coyly checking the time on their watches.

When the time finally came I stood up and felt like sitting straight back down again. The woman who shouted my name was holding a see through plastic container. My mouth turned dry when I realized what that would be collecting. "Would you like to follow me Edward?" The woman asked unsurley as she took in my slow movement towards her. I realized I quite possibly looked like a complete fool walking in almost slow motion and snapped myself out of it.

I was led to a room among rooms in a long corridor. A heavy duty door, comfyish looking seat, table, TV and VCR...what, they haven't heard of DVD's? I looked at the tatty material lying on the coffee table. It was well thumbed through.

"Everything you need should be in here Edward." She said, the sexy tone in her voice did not escape me but that was not enough to help me out in this situation. I hated the way she was using my first name, it seemed far too personal, she didn't even know me! She doesn't know why I'm here, she doesn't understand my reasons behind this yet she feels perfectly comfortable using my first name.

"Uhuh."

"Well, I will leave you to your business then. Take your time." She handed me the cup and walked over to the door before twisting her head over her shoulder. "Oh, and enjoy yourself." And oh my god, the bitch just winked at me!

I sat down on the seat in the middle of the room and took in my surroundings. I couldn't see any cameras or anything that looked like reflective glass so I felt pretty comfortable I had complete privacy. Looking down at my hands I spun the container around reading my name on the sticky white label affixed to it. I sighed and realized it was probably time to get down to the task at hand. I stood up and walked over to the table to look at the selection of "scientific aids". Fuck. It was worse than the crappy magazines you got in the waiting rooms of doctor surgeries. Just what I needed to help me out: shit porn.

I gave up thumbing through the dog-eared magazines and went back to my seat where I contemplated just high tailing it out of the building and not looking back. I played with the lid of the container, twisting it round and tightening it back up again before I figured I must have wasted more than enough time. Everyone out front would be thinking I was some sort of freak if I hung about much longer.

Letting out an exaggerated sigh I unbuckled the belt of my jeans, the sound of the leather belt whipping the air as I roughly pulled it off becoming an ominous presence as it echoed around the room. Fuck it was cold in here. You think they would take into consideration a mans comforts that were required when jacking off. Heat was a prerequisite. It was practically essential; I didn't see me getting anywhere when the temperature was almost below freezing. Well I supposed I couldn't do anything about it now anyway. I had spent too much time fannying about. I decided to suck it up like a big boy and fill the cup like a motherfucking pro.

I blew into my cupped hands before I slid my hands into my boxers and brushed over my very un-erect penis. Fuck how embarrassing would it be if I came out in ten minutes unable to have produced anything due to my inability to get it up. I cringed as I imagined the smirk Dr Denali would have plastered on her face.

She was definitely something on the eyes, Dr Denali, not in a beautiful sense or anything, just more sexy I guessed. She was a blond, although I always tended to go for blonds there was something about a brunette I liked too. The classical beauty of a particular brunette in my thoughts. I shook my head trying to rid it of dirty thoughts of Bella until I realized that dirty Bella had gotten me slightly stiffer. Well desperate times called for desperate measures. It was sick wanking one out to my sister-in-law but the end result was for her essentially...wasn't it?

Hell, who cared, Bella was hot, I wanted her, what harm would it do? Who was going to know? It wasn't like I hadn't done it at home before anyway.

I closed my eyes and imagined Bella standing in front of me. Her hair loose around her bare shoulders... Of course I was imagining a much younger Bella standing naked in front of me, but it was still Bella.

I walked out of the room less than five minutes later with a very full cup to hand over at the desk. I felt smug. Also slightly superior to the other men who couldn't possibly give as much. I was directed to sit back down again amongst the other nervous men. I felt so much better now. The tension which had been building up in my body had just been given an outlet and I felt like the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. I was sitting with a smile as big as the moon and I'm sure everybody could tell why I was so much cheerier. I didn't care. Now just for the blood sample and I was out of here.

Fifteen minutes, a cup of tea and chocolate biscuit later I was heading back to my car. I felt marginally dizzy but knew I would be fine to drive back home. I had given blood before. Carlisle had forced me into it when he realized my blood type was O-, one of the more rare types apparently, which everyone could receive. Too bad if I were to be involved in an accident I thought despairingly; I could only receive my own blood type.

After my morning at the fertility centre I was enjoying the notion of going to the apartment to enjoy a nice bottle of ice cold beer and watching TV on my couch. I sped through the streets of the city eager to get back to my apartment and forget the morning's events. The embarrassment of having to wank into a jar and discussing why I wanted to do it all. Wanted being the operative word, I still wasn't 100% sure if what I was doing was the right thing or if I had suddenly decided to become a people pleaser. I knew that I couldn't turn back now though, I had committed myself to the situation and I knew I had to follow through, I only half hoped that my application would be declined. Did that really make me such a horrible person? In a way I didn't care if this made me a selfish motherfucker, but when I thought back to Bella's desperate face when she asked for help I knew I had to stop being childish, it wasn't like Bella was mine to claim. She was Emmett's and that was always what it was going to come down to. She was Emmett's property, not mine.

I tinkered about with the piano keys for almost two hours before I got too restless and couldn't concentrate on where my fingers were landing. I was thankfully saved by my phone ringing out in the hall to which I had to run and catch before it rung out.

"Hey dude, we missed our last night out thanks to mama Cullen but I want beer tonight!" Jasper's strange greeting down the phone indicated that he had probably already downed a few beers.

"Why aren't you at work mate?"

"No patients for the day! Alice is round at your mom's with Sarah so I'm all on my lonesome, and since you're the only guy I know who can ditch work for alcohol do you care to keep me company?"

"What makes you think I'm not busy?" I asked indignantly.

"Dude, did you not hear me? You can ditch work, you don't have a motherfucking proper job so it doesn't matter!"

"Jazz, I have an important job, just shut it."

"Right...you help major corporations suck more money out of commoners who can't afford it with catchy tunes. That's important?" Fucking smug Jasper.

"I co-wrote that Children's Aid Charity advert song, shut it you."

"And you helped kids moan at their parents to buy them that stupid action figure that was recalled what...two months later for safety reasons?"

"I cannot be held responsible for anything wrong with the product, I just come up with the jingle." I argued.

"Sure sure, anyway, come out!" Jasper had begun to sound a lot more like Emmett now he had become a father. Whether it was to do with the insufficient sleeps or acting like a child in front of Sarah nobody could tell, but everyone could see the change in him. While Emmett was younger and still at high school he was always the life and soul of the party, he had now mellowed out into some boring corporate worker, something _nobody_ ever saw him do. To be honest, I still wasn't sure which one I preferred...I slightly hated them both.

"Have you been drinking already Jazz?" I asked knowing full well what the answer was.

"No." He lied coyly.

"Uhuh. I can't tonight Jasper, sorry." I lied, it wasn't that I couldn't, I just really didn't want to.

"What? I'm going to have to wait till Emmett finishes work then." He whined down the phone at an almost Alice like pitch and I had to pull the phone away from ear on fear of being deafened. Maybe it was true what they say, you really do become who you live with. Thank the fuck I live by myself.

"He'll be with Bella all night." I spoke with disdain and Jasper, even in his un-sober state picked up on this.

"Ah, you want me to get the big guy out the house so you can score with Miss Bella?" he giggled like a little school girl. Fuck, a drunk Jasper was an annoying Jasper. I gripped onto my hair with my free hand and yanked trying to relieve some of the tension which this phone call had caused.

"Really Jasper, grow up, I'm over it all."

"Phah! You are so not over it all man! I saw the way you looked at her at mama Cullen's, all that adoration in your eyes, what did I tell you about being less obvious!"

"Shut the fuck up Jazz, don't comment on what you don't know about." I snapped, fed up with the same chat from him every time he brought Bella up.

"What don't I know? The fact that every time you see her you look like you wanna screw her? Or how every time you try and look at her as if you hate her you always show a little of the love you hold for her? Not to mention that is creepy as fuck when she is your _sister-in-law_ but it amazes me how no-one else can see it!" He all but shouted down the phone.

"Fuck Jasper, ever think that maybe that is something to do with the fact you are picking up on incorrect signals? Maybe you just aren't a very good shrink or whatever!" I retorted. He had no fucking clue what was going on in my life right now so had no right to comment on it and as much as that sounded like a girly thing to say I didn't care.

"I apologise good sir if I have perceived the situation incorrectly." He slurred down the phone.

"Fuck me, Jazz, how much have you had to drink, it's..."I looked at my watch for the time, "4:15 in the afternoon!" I exclaimed, shocked that my best friend would be drunk so early in the day on a weekday.

"I...well, fuck, I don't know Edward. Who cares?" He stuttered. Something was wrong, Jasper never acted out like this..._ever. _Drinking before six o'clock was not his thing, especially if it wasn't a special had practically hosted an intervention for me and my "drinking problem" when Bella and Emmett had gotten married.

"Where are you?" my voice was demanding and he knew I meant business.

"At the Bar-None on 42nd. Are you coming for some drinks?" He asked me excitedly, clearly misunderstanding my tone of voice. I rolled my eyes. The All Bar None was one of my favourite bars when I was in my teens and early twenties, they would never ask for ID, I knew it well.

"Eh, who are you there with?" I asked avoiding his question.

"A few guys from work, they finished early." Well at least he wasn't there by himself.

"That's great Jazz. I'll be there in half an hour." I played along as I located my car keys and hopped on one foot trying to get my shoe on. "Just don't go anywhere k?"

"Sure, I'll get a beer on the table for you, you gotta catch up!"

"Sounds great mate. See you soon." Hanging up the phone I grabbed the matching shoe for my other foot as I located my jacket which I had tossed on the floor in the corner of the living room. I raced out of the apartment and into my Volvo before setting off on the ten minute journey into the city to the trashy bar Jasper was getting sloshed at.

As I walked through the heavy glass doors of the pub I took note of the fading wallpaper peeling off the wall in the corner where I used to sit with college buddies, I guess if you looked closely you could probably still see the stain in the tatty carpet I had left after I emptied my stomach of the thick Purple Haze I had downed just minutes before. I didn't even really want to think of it.

The bar was more crowded that I thought it would be for this time in the afternoon. Maybe there was nothing wrong with Jasper after all. Was it really normal to be drinking this early nowadays? Was I so old and out of touch? I didn't have a problem with being twenty-eight before but now I realized I was two years away from thirty and I hadn't really accomplished anything. No marriage, no long-term girlfriend...no family, yet I was helping my brother create his family. Bugger.

I looked up and spotted Jasper with four guys around him wedging him in, probably making sure he wasn't about to pass out onto the floor. Even three beers were more than enough for Jasper with his small body mass, fuck knows how much he had had to drink. This confirmed my earlier suspicion. Something was up. He always knew how much was too much.

I started walking over to Jasper's table while his eyes caught me. He tried to jump up but I could see his efforts wasted by the two guys on either side of him holding his shoulder down.

"Would you sit still Jasper!" One of the bigger burlier men said in frustration.

"But it's Edward!" He shouted as he pointed at me. Four relieved faces turned to me and looked like they were about to cheer. One of them, who got up and walked over.

"Thank fuck you are here. He is getting a little crazy. He just didn't know when to stop today. We've had to barricade him in and forced him to phone someone. Please tell me your not here for a drink?" He pleaded and I jingled my car keys in front of him to show him I was taking Jasper home.

"What's wrong with him?" I asked, worried, I hadn't seen Jasper in a state such as this in a long time. He shrugged his shoulder at me.

"Stress?" he suggested. "I don't know I'm not the shrink." Very helpful. I walked past him and headed towards Jasper.

"Hey, you coming with me?" I asked him, hoping this would be simple and I would be able to take him home with no fuss.

"No, I need to finish this pint!"

"Are you serious? What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked, my patience with drunk Jasper waning with every second spent in this dingy bar.

"Nothing is wrong with me." He replied back nonchalantly as he reached out for the almost empty glass on the table. My hand snapped down on top of his and removed the glass from his reach. "Seriously dude, what the hell was that for?" he shouted, narrowing his eyes at me as if daring me for a fight. _Bring it on drunkie._

"Because you are being irresponsible. You are a husband and a father; you are supposed to act your age Jasper."

"Wow wise words coming from the irresponsible immature waster." He shot back as he tried to stand up, pushing the men away from him, before falling back on his ass on the seat.

"Christ you are wasted." I sighed as I let the comment slide. "Let's get your fucking drunk ass home." I grabbed his arm and was helped by his workmates to drag him off the seat. It wasn't till I turned round to thank the guys when I remembered the last time I was in this bar. For nearly the same reason, on the same couch.

******

_Flashback (Edward -25, Bella – 24)_

"_Edward Cullen?"_

"_Eh, yeah..." I hesitatingly answered, worried what admitting who I was would lead to. After all what good did a phone call at two in the morning usually bring about?_

"_You've left something down at Bar None on 42__nd__, come and get it before I have to leave." The gruff voice answered. It was impossible to have left something at a place I hadn't been in for two months._

"_I think you've got the wrong guy, I've not been down there tonight."_

"_Well yours is the last number received on her cell. I figured I would give you a phone cause I sure as hell can't get rid of her and it was last call an hour ago." It was a girl? Shit what the hell had Alice done now?_

"_I'm sorry, she's my sister I think, short with brown hair?" I asked him to confirm._

"_Yup, bit of a sorry state she's in, I know a bartender is supposed to help everyone with their issues and everything put this poor little girl has the weight of the world on her shoulders and that's something I can't help with."_

"_Tell Alice I'll be there in twenty minutes" I sighed as I looked at my watch._

"_Oh her names not Alice...its Bella..." Bella? Oh that fucking little pixie had been at my apartment getting ready for Bella's hen night and must have used my cell to call her. Fuck knows how many minutes she would have used up too. I was going to kill her...and why was she not with Bella anyway?_

"_Bella? Is there not anyone there with her?"_

"_No, she was in with a group of girls for half the night, they all left but she came back about three hours ago. Do you know her or have I misdialled?" he asked me sounding bored and who could blame him._

"_She's my brothers fiancé, I'll come get her." I supposed this wasn't a state Bella would have wanted Emmett to see her in. _

"_Right, well just knock on the doors when you get here, place is all locked up for the night."_

"_Sure, thanks."_

_When I arrived at the bar I did as the he said and knocked on the door. A bolt was swiftly opened and he peered round the edge of the door. "Edward?"_

"_That's me." I replied and he let me in. All the chairs were stacked upside down on the tables and the floor in the main area was shiny and slippy from the wash it had received to clean up spilt beer and dirt. The carpeted areas were just as clean as they ever had been._

"_She's over there." He indicated to the bar whose shutters had been pulled down to hint that it was closing down. On the bar, long brown hair was cascaded down the back of a silver mini-dress and a small petite ass was perched on the stool. The owners head was resting on the worktop and a pint full of what I hoped was water was next to her. She looked so tiny and fragile and I was pissed beyond words that Alice would leave her alone to let god knows what happen to her. Next to her on the worktop was a big "L" plate, devil horns and a "bride to be" sash. I then remembered why she was even here in the first place - celebrating the fact she would no longer to be a single woman and the blame instantly shifted from Alice onto Emmett. Stupid fucker. _

"_Bella." I whispered tentively whilst gently placing my arm on her shoulder. When she did not answer or lift her head I shook her softly hoping to wake her from her drunken stupor._

"_She's been out for the past ten minutes." The barkeeper spoke worriedly from behind me. _

"_Do you know how much she has had to drink tonight?" I asked him, worrying about whether I should be taking her to the ER or not. _

"_Well the tab they had running went up to $150, the drinks were mostly wine and cocktails." He shrugged. Well I suppose that figured, Alice _was_ with her after all._

"_Bella." I tried again, shaking her slightly less gently. She stirred slightly and slapped her hand backwards to meet with my shoulder, trying to get rid of the nuisance attempting to rouse her. She mumbled something incoherent and her hand flopped by her side. _

"_Fuck me." I exclaimed, just how much had she drunk? _

"_Bella, come on, you need to get up. Emmett is going to get worried if you don't get home soon." I tried._

"_He's not home, fuck off." I laughed slightly at her effort to get rid of me but I wasn't going quietly._

"_Yes but you can't stay here." I looked at the bar tender's name badge. "Steve here has to go home and he can't just leave you!" She turned her head to look at me and I was met with bleary eyes and rings of smudged makeup. Her hair was stuck to her lips and I subconsciously swept it over her ear. She looked at me slightly amazed with her mouth open; even in her drunken state she knew that wasn't right...Edward Cullen didn't like Bella Swan. "Here, sit up a bit more, you need some water." I held her head steady with one hand and lifted the glass to her lips with the other before tilting it back letting her have some non-alcoholic liquid into her system. I turned back to Steve, "Can we get like a cup of tea or coffee or something?" He chewed his lip. "I swear, I'll get her out of here once she has had a hot drink in her system to settle her stomach." He looked at Bella for a moment and disappeared round back. I continued tipping the glass back until I could see she had finished almost a quarter of it. "How much did you have to drink tonight?"_

"_We had wiiine, did slots an ad slew comfotble slews." Bella slurred and I knew she had definitely had more than just that._

"_So not much then." I teased her._

"_No." She shook her head seriously. "Rooms spinning! Rooms spinning!" She screamed panicking. _

"_Just because you shook your head. Sit still." I soothed her by tracing circles on her back as I still held onto her head. She closed her eyes and Steve came back with a cup of tea held in one hand placing it in front of her. _

"_Here's some biscuits I had in back, might help soak up some of the alcohol." I nodded appreciatively at him and he scooted back to the back of the bar to clean the drip trays._

"_Long night then Bella?"_

_She nodded her head before wincing again._

"_Drink some of the tea. Do you think you can sit up ok?"_

"_Yeah." She straightened herself up on the stool before tipping backwards._

"_Shit girl, how much did you really drink? Come on, let's move you to a seat with a back." She looked at me confused and instead of explaining myself I lifted her knees up in the crook of my elbow and held her back against my other arm before carrying her over to one of the couches. "Now try not throw up here, they kill you if you puke on the carpet." She smiled back at me. I looked at her, she was slightly more awake and even drunk with melted makeup she was still pretty, her big brown eyes were partially closed, the alcohol taking its affect and I ran back to get the tea. _

"_Why are you doing this?" She asked me as she finished the tea. "You _hate _me Edward."_

"_How can you really think that I hate you Bella?" I asked her sadly._

"_Because you treat me like shit." Was her answer as she rested her head on the table again. _

"_I guess I really am good at acting." Fuck you Jasper, what did he know anyway_.

"_You...don't hate me?" she asked, picking her head up to stare at me, her eyebrows furrowed._

"_Far from it." I said quietly as I chuckled. _

"_Do you ever feel like you've made the wrong decision once you're too far into it to change it?" Bella asked, her face a picture of seriousness. _

"_Fuck yes, I can relate to that – so much you wouldn't believe it." I laughed darkly. She stared back at me, a line appearing between her brow, realizing I was being too open to her I shut my mouth._

"_Um, you ok here for a minute? Just going to the toilet." I didn't wait for an answer; she would just have to be ok. Rushing into the men's room I went over to the sink and looked at my reflection in the murky mirror. I felt like giving myself a good punch in the face to knock some sense into my stupid brain, just what in the hell was I thinking? I had almost totally slipped up with her. Drunk or not, it wasn't worth telling her. It would only wind up hurting my ass. She would only pick Emmett now anyway. Unless...unless the decision she was talking about was marrying Emmett? Was she really considering not marrying Emmett? Most likely it was a case of pre-wedding jitters, I knew those two loved each other completely. But what if she was serious? What if she didn't want to marry him? What if she were single again? My mind was whirling around to quickly for its own good, getting way too far ahead of itself. _

"Shut the fuck up Cullen – if she were single again, why would she ever want to be with a dumbass piece of shit like you?" _My conscience sneered. I wished he was some little dude on your shoulder, then I could flick him off into the trash bin, never to be heard or seen of again. Splashing water onto my face I shook my head before drying off with a paper towel and slapping myself for good measure. Was cleaner than a punch._

"_Finished your tea?" I asked Bella as I walked back into the bar, praying desperately that we could get out of here and away from Bella. Being so close to her on my own didn't ever happen and it was difficult not to want to be with her, to spill out all my secrets and tell her how much I loved her._

_She held up her cup and turned it upside down allowing a few drops of the beverage to soak the carpet below. Thank fuck, there was a God and he was listening to me tonight! I grabbed the empty cup and glass taking them over to Steve. I thanked him quickly. _

"_Make sure you get her home nice and safe. There are a few people that hang around outside this bar at night." He looked fondly at Bella and I made sure my keys were safe in my hands so we could get to the car quick._

"_Can you walk Bella?" She looked at me unsure and I stepped towards her as she put her hands down on the table and began hoisting herself up, gingerly moving out from the booth. She took two unsteady steps forward before she almost lost her footing. I grabbed her quickly. "Here, hold these." I gave her my car keys and lifted her up bridal style carrying her out of the bar._

"_Fuck me, no wonder you're so drunk, there's nothing to you! Do you ever eat?" I remarked on her weight. She shrugged her shoulders and leaned her head against my shoulder. I resisted placing my head on hers – that would just be too weird. We turned the corner of the bar and I could see my car about thirty foot in front of us. Thank fuck, the whole street seemed pretty deserted._

_Bella uttered an "oops" before there was a clattering noise on the concrete below._

"_Fuck, Bella! C'mon, help me a little bit here." I cried out in frustration as I looked down but couldn't see anything shiny resembling my keys below me. Bella blocked most of my view under my feet and I had to place her on hers to allow me to hunt in the dark for the set of keys. "Don't fall over." I warned her as I got down on my knees to search the ground with my hands. She just had to drop them on the one piece of ground with no light. Bella dropped to the ground in front of me, at first I figured she had fallen until her head was pressed against mine. _

"_I'm sorry." She mumbled before pushing her nose against mine. _

"Don't you fucking dare Cullen_" my fucking conscience growled at me. _"She's your brothers fiancé, leave her alone."

"Fuck you conscience."_ The bad guy in my head barked back at the goody-two-shoes. Oh hello devil, about time for you to show up, I've been waiting, now kick my conscience's ass outa here. I turned my attention back to the scene in front of me, Bella's cute little button nose pressed against mine. She sighed and the smell of booze knocked some sense into me. Anything she was doing just now was under the influence of alcohol. I guess my conscience had won that fight. I found my keys to the left of Bella and jumped up away from her giving myself some fresh air that didn't smell like Bella and alcohol. _

"_Come on drunkie, let's get you home. I gave her my hand and helped her up. "Can you walk?" I asked her again letting her hold onto my hand to help her to the car._

_We were two streets away from her and Emmett's house before she told me she was going to be sick._

"_Hold on to it for two minutes Bella...please!" I begged her, deciding to try my luck and pray again. _

Dear god, I've done a good deed tonight, I also didn't kiss her, please give me this, don't let her be sick in my car! Please! Amen.

_Obviously God was not in the habit of doling out wishes and such like twice in one night I figured as a horrendous heaving noise erupted from Bella's throat. I fought back the urge to be sick myself, my gag reflex going haywire with the smell of sick and Bella's god awful choking noise. I swiftly opened the windows and carefully turned the corner to their street being careful not to jolt her again. I parked the car and sure enough Emmett's was not there, I couldn't really leave her on her own puking her guts up, could I? I sighed and decided to help her out of the car making sure to leave the windows wide open, hoping in vain that it would help the smell leave. I knew it would be safe in this neighborhood to that anyway. I guided her to the front door and took her little bag full of useless crap and rummaged about for her house keys. When I finally located them I lifted her up and took her up to her room. _

_The room she shared with Emmett. I closed my eyes one I lay her gently on the bed and pinched the bridge of my nose before looking around. I had never been in here before and apart from the bottle of aftershave sitting on the dresser you couldn't tell another man lived here. I was brought from my survey of the room when Bella jumped up out of bed and into the en-suite. Oh shit. I left her hunched up over the toilet while I went down to get her a pint of water and a few pain killers so she hopefully wouldn't feel like shit tomorrow. I was going to kill the pixie for letting her get into such a state._

_When I walked back into her en-suite she was huddled over the toilet, heaving repeatedly while trying to breath at the same time. I ignored how much the situation was going to make me sick and walked over to her patting her back and offering words of encouragement. _

_Getting her back to bed was difficult, she was scared of being sick again, but I managed it and tucked her in. _

"_Edward? What if Emmett isn't the one for me? What if I just haven't met the guy yet and I never do now cause I married Em?" She asked me with tears brimming in her eyes. Fuck she really was worrying about marriage. _

"_Or if you've already met him and didn't realize what he could mean to you or how well he would treat you?" I added, feeling morose that this was the conversation. I could tell her who she really should be with. So why did I feel so horrible? _

"_Yes!" She shouted excitedly and dejectedly at the same time. "I mean I would never know, do you think I would have already met him?" She asked curiously, her eyes gazing into mine. _

"_Probably. You were too blind sighted with your love for Emmett you couldn't think of them in that light." I answered her with a shrug of my shoulders. _

"_Who do you think it is then?" She asked me, her eyebrows raised, this was my chance. My throat became dry and constricted and I couldn't breathe. Was this really the moment I was going to tell her how I felt? _

"_Me?" I stuttered out questioningly. I was shocked when she laughed out loud in my face._

"_You! Oh don't be ridiculous Edward, we would never work! I know what you're like; a leopard can't change its spots." She scoffed. I knew it, she couldn't see us together. Ever. Fuck my life. _

"_Unless it finds someone worth changing them for." I mumbled miserably, I would change for her. She was worth it. Always. She looked at me strangely for a moment before settling back into the pillow behind her and closing her bleary eyes. Her breathing deepened and I went to sit on the chair by the window to watch her, making sure nothing would happen to her in her sleep._

"_If someone was to tell me one reason why I shouldn't be with Emmett I'll call everything off." Her tired voice shocked me from the bed. I sat up in the chair abruptly with shock, was she asking me to give her a reason why she shouldn't marry my brother? I stood up and walked over to the bed slowly to kneel down at the same height as _

_Well here was my moment, my chance to split up the Golden couple - it could be my turn next._

"_Emmett is...well he is..." an asshole, a dick, a cockmuncher, a bastard..."Your perfect match." I sighed out. I couldn't fucking do it. I was such a fucking God damn pussy. "Your soul mate even, there is nothing he wouldn't do for you. Even if you told him you couldn't be with him he would understand and let you go if it meant you would be happy." I blinked several times to end the trace of the traitor tears, because it wasn't Emmett I was talking about anymore._

_Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear I pulled the duvet further up around her so only the top of her slender neck and head were visible. Her brunette hair fanned out around her like a wave on her pillow. She was now asleep, I leaned over and lightly kissed her forehead. Her lips stretched and parted, she looked content._

"_For what it's worth now, I'm sorry. I love you Bella." I whispered, each word dealing a cruel blow to my own heart because I was too much of an arrogant asshole to say it when she could hear it. _

_End Flashback_

_******_

When the morning came I slipped out the door after refreshing her glass of water and we had never talked about that night. Whether she decided to gloss over the whole incident or really had no recollection of it I didn't know, but I for some reason figured when they returned from their honeymoon and Bella came to visit me I thought she was going to tell me she had made the mistake over brothers, not to stop fighting with Emmett.

My mind came back to the situation at hand when Jasper tried to struggle out of my grasp as I pulled him out of my car.

"Jasper, c'mon, you're staying at mine tonight, I'm not letting you go home to Alice like this." I spoke my words firmly, as there was no way he would get away with it Alice saw him wasted right now. He relented in his refusal to come with me at the mention of Alice's name and I at least took that as a good sign. After guiding him in the house he fell asleep on the couch. I shook my head in disbelief at him, wondering what the hell was wrong with him.

I perched myself at the edge of the couch and turned the TV on, letting it drag the next few hours out before I could go to bed.

The next time I saw Jasper he was still slouched out on the couch looking a little worse for wear.

"Can I get you some coffee Jasper?" I laughed as I spoke, it was all his own fault, sympathy wasn't going to get very far from me today. I jumped over his clothes which he must have discarded on the floor sometime during the night and opened the curtains laughing again as he groaned when the light hit his eyes.

"A few Tylenol too." His voice was gruff from the alcohol and the shouting he was doing in the bar. Idiot. I shook my head remembering the state he was in last night and went through to my kitchen to turn on the coffee machine. Jasper joined me not long after and sat on one of the bar stools.

"Glad you've decided to put some pants back on." I acknowledged his clothes. "I would offer you some of mine but they would drown you." He rolled his eyes at me and held his face in his hands. "What's going on with you mate?" I asked him, concerned. He let out a long intake of breath and was silent again. "You know better than anyone the problem of bottling stuff up, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Would you just leave it Edward." He sounded tired and irritated.

"No Jasper, do I have to remind you that you are with my sister, if your mood affects her in any way I have the right to kick your ass, I'm sure Emmett would probably help out." I warned him, becoming irritated myself. "I know you Jasper; you do not spend an entire day drinking if there is nothing wrong with you so spill it now or prepare to go crying back to Texas with a few broken limbs."

"Alice knows, you don't need to." He snapped at me. "Just because I have a problem doesn't mean you need to be privy to it. Just back off, you don't know where you're even treading so don't try and threaten me or give me advise for something you have no clue about!"

"What like how you butt in when it comes to something to do with Bella? You think you know it all Jazz, you don't. You also have no idea what I'm going through right now so I would appreciate it if you backed off about the whole "oooh you love Bella" shit right now, it's not helping." I gritted out through clenched teeth.

"Whatever."

"Fuck don't we sound like a bunch of girls?" I laughed, trying to let a little of the frustration out that Jasper frequently managed to cause.

"Yeah, I suppose. You're the one who wanted to talk feelings and shit though..."

"No, I asked what the fuck was wrong with you."

"Whatever."

"Jazz, you are such a girl."

"Mhm." He mumbled not really listening to me. "Look, I know I was annoying you about Bella last night and I'm sorry. But you do still look at her like you love her, and I know how you can't help it, but sooner or later, people are going to find out and Emmett is going to kill you."

"Gee, thanks." So not a conversation for a Saturday morning. I poured two mugs of black coffee and handed one to the annoying shrink.

"But when we were at your house for dinner Bella was looking at you like you had saved her from a burning building. Clearly she adores you in some ways too." He said raising a brow. And I didn't know how to handle that piece of information. Unless I took it that Bella was seeing me saving her from a childless future, but how could I tell Jasper that?

"She does harbour some sort of feelings for you mate, I can always see it in her eyes."

"Yeah, a fuck load of hurt and hatred." I mumbled, wasn't that all I had brought into Bella's life after all?

"Dude, think what you like. I need to get out of here and back home. Give me those Tylenol now." He demanded, obviously his hangover wasn't fun.

After Jasper caught a taxi back to his house I jumped to the house phone and quickly looked through the phonebook for Emmett and Bella's, not really thinking about what I was going to say. I knew it would come to me when I heard her voice, but also that it would be something along the lines of "I love you, be with me, your husband is a piece of shit."

"Hello?" Bella's smooth voice answered over the phone.

"Hi Bella, it's me. Edward. Eh Cullen." I stuttered and stumbled over my words, this was going well already.

"Yeah, I know, I realized that when I heard your voice." She giggled at me - it was such a sweet sound. "What you calling for, Emmett's at the gym just now. Will I tell him you phoned?"

"Ehm, no! Eh, well..." What the hell was I supposed to say? So much for "it coming to me." I rolled my eyes and felt like immaturely hanging up the phone. How stupid did I have to be to phone Bella and tell her to leave her husband? Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"Oh, how did your doctor's appointment go yesterday? I almost forgot about it!" And here we were, back at the horrible subject.

"Eh, embarrassing." I nervously laughed.

"Hmm, I can imagine, Emmett said the same thing when he went for the fertility test."

"Huh. So eh, yeah I've to go back once they've tested my...eh....my erm deposit." Oh way to sound like a geek Edward.

"Oh, do you know how long that's to be?"

"No they said they'd phone." Fuck me, was this not one hell of an awkward conversation?

"Oh, well, you will need to let us know."

"Sure, sure." The conversation dried up. I had never had this problem when other people were concerned. To be honest, I hadn't really had this much of a problem with Bella before either, even when on our own I was mostly able to think of something to say. "So, eh, what happens with you guys with all this then?" I asked, knowing I probably should have just ended the conversation there but wanting to listen to her voice some more.

"Oh, well erm, I'll be going in for artificial insemination, we're going to get it down professionally. I really don't want to leave any room for errors here. It's much too delicate of a matter."

"Oh yes, it really is. Well that's good...well that you know what's happening." Well just fuck me, I felt like smacking my head of the wall, why couldn't I just have hung up, this was turning into a total rail crash becoming more disastrous by the second. "Oh, Bella, sorry that's my buzzer going, I really need to get going." I lied, wishing I had thought of it sooner, or you know, just not have phoned her in the first place. Fucking stupid idiot.

"Oh, no problem, see you soon."

"Bye!" I hung up the phone quickly and put it back to charge before leaning against the wall, face first. Holy fuck, that was the most single stupid thing I had done in a while. What the fuck had possessed me to phone her telling her to be with me. Fucking Jasper, he always knew how to mess my mind up.

And now I knew how my, god, my "deposits" were going to be used. Now I guessed I had to just sit and wait till the results of whatever they did to my "deposits".

**A/N: And finally... a new update! Think of it as a belated Christmas present! Which I hope you all enjoyed btw!**

**Let me know what you thought about crazy Edward at the end. Oh and what do ya'll think Jasper's problem is? Must be bad if he can't tell Edward.**

**I wish everyone a happy New Years, don't know about any of you but I will be getting wasted on Hogmanay! My favourite holiday of the year! I can also rest easy knowing I'm not back at work for another week! Wahoooo! Some more writing time. Have a great time everyone.**


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